I remember Charlie Brotman as the PR guy for the old Washington Senators. Charlie's been around for so long, there isn't anything he hasn't seen in sports in this town. In fact, Charlie arranged for me, as a starry-eyed kid, to interview Harmon Killebrew for my neighborhood newspaper, way back in the late 50s, just before Griffith absconded with my team to Minnesota. Killebrew was huge. I mean very big; his arms were the size of my waist. But, I digress.
Charlie has come on the air and given some rock solid advice to Danny Boy: Come out of the closet with a fresh set of clothes and TALK to the fans, explain your position, how you screwed up and need our help, how you're doing this, that and the other to make things better, and you're sorry that you sued disabled season ticket holders, and you're sorry you had your security goons confiscate fans' signs, and you're really really sorry that you ever hired or trusted My Cousin Vinny, but you've made a call to New Jersey and Vinny won't be a problem very much longer.
Ask for the fans' help, ask them to stay loyal, to continue to spend all fucking day driving to and from your stadium in Godforsakenville to watch a bunch of "just guys" give each other future brain injuries. Ask your fans, the ones who pay $100 per ticket, to be careful as they snake past the ghetto where the disloyal "Signage Fans" are fenced in (armbands and all), waiting for their next ration of charcoal grilles.
Tell the fans that in penance, you will shut down Fedex Field, and actually move to a fan friendly stadium like RFK.
Tell them that you promise to actually hire a person who knows something about football to run the operation, someone like Joe Don Looney. And if you can't find Looney, I'm sure George Allen, who is probably tired of politics, will be glad to try and fill his daddy's shoes, a la Dubya. I mean, if Joe Don won't do it, and Allen won't do it, how about Tom Cruise? I can hear it now; Hail to the Redkins has been replaced by "Just Take Those Old Players Off The Shelf....", and the official uniform will consist of white Jockey briefs.
Paint that rosy picture for the fans, Danny! You can do it! I believe you can! C'mon!
Oh, crap. It's Halloween, and Danny's fresh set of clothes was a costume. He was just pretending. We're fucked.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Golden Rule, Danny Style
Snyder's Golden Rule: Them who has the gold, makes the rules. Everyone else's: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
The arrogance of an owner who will not talk to the press as his team spirals downward evermore to irrelevancy is stunning. It's breathtaking. One can only speculate as to why Megabucks Danny will not talk to the press. But hey, speculation is fun! So, let's have at it:
1. He hates the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
2. He loves the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
3. He doesn't give a shit about the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
[do you detect a pattern here?]
4. "Nobody's gonna tell ME how to run MY team into the ground. I can do it myself."
5. "Who the fuck cares about what the fans think? As long as they stupidly continue to spend their money just to get drunk and smoke, I'll take it."
6. "Hey, I really DO know what I'm doing. Leave me alone!"
7. "My man Vinny is the face of the franchise. HE provided Zorn with a playoff quality roster - let Vinny do the talking".
8. "If the press won't help me make money, the hell with them".
9. "Why does everyone hate me?"
10. "I've got the answer: I just gave Billy Kilmer a $100 million signing bonus to come out of retirement and be the franchise QB we all desperately want. Bye, Jason."
The anti-Redskin barrage continues unabated. This morning, it was Sally Jenkins, one of my top three faves, who was out-Wilboning Wilbon.
This is much more than a mere failure to communicate. This is the living embodiment of "The Emperor Has No Clothes", with the major exception being that EVERYONE is telling Snyder that he has screwed up the team, instead of no one telling the Emperor he has no clothes. For 8 years very few (Sally Jenkins being the notable exception) have had the courage to say: Danny Boy, you are stark naked!
Danny's retort: The Golden Rule. What do you suppose the Danny talks about when he gets home at night? It's like: "Screw them. I own the team, it's my call. I'm smart. I can do this. Leave me alone."
The arrogance, the disrepect, the contempt.
To be honest, this Danny-bashing is getting rather old. It's constant, it's correct, and no changes are apparent. So, it's ineffective.
But you know what? I feel better after unloading it all.
Thanks for listening.
8.
The arrogance of an owner who will not talk to the press as his team spirals downward evermore to irrelevancy is stunning. It's breathtaking. One can only speculate as to why Megabucks Danny will not talk to the press. But hey, speculation is fun! So, let's have at it:
1. He hates the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
2. He loves the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
3. He doesn't give a shit about the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
[do you detect a pattern here?]
4. "Nobody's gonna tell ME how to run MY team into the ground. I can do it myself."
5. "Who the fuck cares about what the fans think? As long as they stupidly continue to spend their money just to get drunk and smoke, I'll take it."
6. "Hey, I really DO know what I'm doing. Leave me alone!"
7. "My man Vinny is the face of the franchise. HE provided Zorn with a playoff quality roster - let Vinny do the talking".
8. "If the press won't help me make money, the hell with them".
9. "Why does everyone hate me?"
10. "I've got the answer: I just gave Billy Kilmer a $100 million signing bonus to come out of retirement and be the franchise QB we all desperately want. Bye, Jason."
The anti-Redskin barrage continues unabated. This morning, it was Sally Jenkins, one of my top three faves, who was out-Wilboning Wilbon.
This is much more than a mere failure to communicate. This is the living embodiment of "The Emperor Has No Clothes", with the major exception being that EVERYONE is telling Snyder that he has screwed up the team, instead of no one telling the Emperor he has no clothes. For 8 years very few (Sally Jenkins being the notable exception) have had the courage to say: Danny Boy, you are stark naked!
Danny's retort: The Golden Rule. What do you suppose the Danny talks about when he gets home at night? It's like: "Screw them. I own the team, it's my call. I'm smart. I can do this. Leave me alone."
The arrogance, the disrepect, the contempt.
To be honest, this Danny-bashing is getting rather old. It's constant, it's correct, and no changes are apparent. So, it's ineffective.
But you know what? I feel better after unloading it all.
Thanks for listening.
8.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Gestapo Has Arrived! Heil, Danny!
Can the news get any worse? Has Danny Boy ever heard of PR? Does anyone in Redskins' management "get it"? Obviously not.
In what can only be characterized as too stupid to believe, reports in the paper indicate that the Redskins' official "security guards" (aka the Gestapo) were confiscating signs brought into Fedex Field by fans at Monday night's game. One had the traditional "D-and-Fence" sign, another said "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" (which is actually a creative idea, much more so than those coming from upper management these days; at least, Ovechkin is a bona fide winner), another said "Bingo Night Football" which is actually clever and would have gotten a lot of air time during the game.
I mean really, is Snyder out of his f*cking mind? Censorship? This is the way fascist regimes take care of the opposition: shut down their voices, kill dissenters, squelch all criticism. I'm surprised the "security guards" didn't turn the hoses on the fans. Trust me, that's next. Keep the riff raff from telling it like it is. Who needs them, anyway? There are 50,000 people on the waiting list to buy season tickets, so let's just wash away the annoying minority. Paranoia reigns!
It can't be long until the Danny hires his Herr Goebbels to take care of propaganda. Here's one possible party line: the demise of the franchise is the fault of the media (no, sorry, they've already used that). How about: the demise of the franchise is the fault of a certain minority of rowdy fans, those who bring signs to games that criticize the Redskins! Critical signs are disloyal to the team, undemocratic, unAmerican, and disruptive of harmony and goodwill. YES, by jove, we've got ourselves a winner! Everything bad that's happened is the fault of fans bringing critical signs to the games! They must be punished! Make them wear armbands! Make them gather in a special parking lot to tailgate, a parking lot with a fence around it! No one enters or leaves the parking lot without passing through a security checkpoint! And a curfew is imposed. No weapons of any kind may be carried by the signmakers, and they must turn in their charcoal grilles after each tailgate party. We'll show them that such disunity will not be tolerated in the Land of Danny. (repeat signmakers will be dealt with harshly).
Given all this weird behavior, I'm a bit surprised the pregame show of Monday Night Football didn't have its plug pulled by the Gestapo, given the rough treatment of the Redskins by ALL of the announcers. No one, and I mean no one, gave any excuses for the sorry state of the Redskins franchise.
There is no excuse, except the one pointed out by Tracee Hamilton in her wonderful column in today's Post (she is rivaling Wilbon as my fave columnist...): the fault is Snyders, for thinking he knows football, and for being unwilling to give up control of the football operation to someone who does.
I can't resist one little p.s. to all this: did anyone see or read about Cerrato's press conference? It was really painfully pitiful. This is the face of the franchise? This is the spokesperson for the Washington Redskins? C'mon, almost anyone could do better than Vinny's heming and hawing at those softball questions, like: "Do you feel you gave Jim [Zorn] a roster that could get to the playoffs?" The answer (what's he supposed to say?): "Yes." Any amateur knucklehead like me knows that the offensive line was a disaster waiting to happen. And we did virtually nothing in the offseason to address that problem, with the exception of adding Dockery who has proven to be one of the last men standing (with Rabach).
Enough.
In what can only be characterized as too stupid to believe, reports in the paper indicate that the Redskins' official "security guards" (aka the Gestapo) were confiscating signs brought into Fedex Field by fans at Monday night's game. One had the traditional "D-and-Fence" sign, another said "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" (which is actually a creative idea, much more so than those coming from upper management these days; at least, Ovechkin is a bona fide winner), another said "Bingo Night Football" which is actually clever and would have gotten a lot of air time during the game.
I mean really, is Snyder out of his f*cking mind? Censorship? This is the way fascist regimes take care of the opposition: shut down their voices, kill dissenters, squelch all criticism. I'm surprised the "security guards" didn't turn the hoses on the fans. Trust me, that's next. Keep the riff raff from telling it like it is. Who needs them, anyway? There are 50,000 people on the waiting list to buy season tickets, so let's just wash away the annoying minority. Paranoia reigns!
It can't be long until the Danny hires his Herr Goebbels to take care of propaganda. Here's one possible party line: the demise of the franchise is the fault of the media (no, sorry, they've already used that). How about: the demise of the franchise is the fault of a certain minority of rowdy fans, those who bring signs to games that criticize the Redskins! Critical signs are disloyal to the team, undemocratic, unAmerican, and disruptive of harmony and goodwill. YES, by jove, we've got ourselves a winner! Everything bad that's happened is the fault of fans bringing critical signs to the games! They must be punished! Make them wear armbands! Make them gather in a special parking lot to tailgate, a parking lot with a fence around it! No one enters or leaves the parking lot without passing through a security checkpoint! And a curfew is imposed. No weapons of any kind may be carried by the signmakers, and they must turn in their charcoal grilles after each tailgate party. We'll show them that such disunity will not be tolerated in the Land of Danny. (repeat signmakers will be dealt with harshly).
Given all this weird behavior, I'm a bit surprised the pregame show of Monday Night Football didn't have its plug pulled by the Gestapo, given the rough treatment of the Redskins by ALL of the announcers. No one, and I mean no one, gave any excuses for the sorry state of the Redskins franchise.
There is no excuse, except the one pointed out by Tracee Hamilton in her wonderful column in today's Post (she is rivaling Wilbon as my fave columnist...): the fault is Snyders, for thinking he knows football, and for being unwilling to give up control of the football operation to someone who does.
I can't resist one little p.s. to all this: did anyone see or read about Cerrato's press conference? It was really painfully pitiful. This is the face of the franchise? This is the spokesperson for the Washington Redskins? C'mon, almost anyone could do better than Vinny's heming and hawing at those softball questions, like: "Do you feel you gave Jim [Zorn] a roster that could get to the playoffs?" The answer (what's he supposed to say?): "Yes." Any amateur knucklehead like me knows that the offensive line was a disaster waiting to happen. And we did virtually nothing in the offseason to address that problem, with the exception of adding Dockery who has proven to be one of the last men standing (with Rabach).
Enough.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Cerrato Seals the Deal
Those of you who think Vinny's vote of confidence in Zorn's head coaching status means anything, think again. What was the Danny supposed to do? The team was in chaos, the laughingstock of the NFL. They had to do something to try and calm things down, so they give Zorn a vote of confidence, that he'll be the head coach until at least the end of this season, and "hopefully" thereafter (Vinny's words). Of course, this is the same week they emasculated (i.e., cut the balls off) the guy, telling him he had been stripped of the only thing he likes to do: play calling. It's like telling Obama: "you can be president, but you can't make any speeches", or telling Michael Phelps that he can compete in the Olympics, but he can't swim. The Redskins are one continuous cartoon.
It's amazing to me that anyone still goes to the games. Who wants to spend a whole day fighting beltway traffic to get to a stadium built in Godforsakenville, just to be among a bunch of drunks and smokers while watching the most pitiful franchise ever to put on the uniform? (and this fan goes all the way back to Eddie LeBaron, Don Bossler, and Joe Rutgens...). And then fight to get out of the parking lot? It's a pity that we can't pin this one on Danny Boy, but the idea to build the new stadium 15 years ago in Godforsakenville belonged to the previous owner, Jack Kent Cooke, who somehow didn't get it that the WASHINGTON Redskins needed to be in WASHINGTON. Abe Pollin did the absolute right thing, putting Verizon Center smack dab in the middle of town, easily accessible from just about anywhere on Metro. He revitalized the entire Penn Quarter. The Squire had blinders on, and went out to Yukka Flats (a/k/a Godforsakenville) which requires a full day committment to see a shitty team lose. You can see the same shitty team from the comfort of your own home! And, you can multi-task while you do it! Surf the net, read the NYT, pay bills, have sex...whatever! You won't miss a thing. I've taken to taping the games, which reduces the pain from 3 hours to a manageable 2 hours, cutting out the commercials. The only negative thing about only having 2 hours to watch the game is that I have only 2 hours to multi-task. And my finger is constantly on the fast forward button.
To get back to the point, I predict that after the Redskins get their collective assess handed to them by the Eagles Monday night (74-0?), Zorn will finally be fired, some assistant will take over as "interim", Joe Gibbs will be brought in to find and recruit a GM and will hire his son to do the job. Or Danny's son. Or Vinny's son. Or whoever's son is out of a job and needs a million or so thrown his way. Hey, Danny! My son could use a million bucks, and his qualifications for the job are superb: he knows absolutely nothing about evaluating professional football talent! In other words, he fits right in!
Whaddaya say, Danny Boy? I'll be your best friend....
It's amazing to me that anyone still goes to the games. Who wants to spend a whole day fighting beltway traffic to get to a stadium built in Godforsakenville, just to be among a bunch of drunks and smokers while watching the most pitiful franchise ever to put on the uniform? (and this fan goes all the way back to Eddie LeBaron, Don Bossler, and Joe Rutgens...). And then fight to get out of the parking lot? It's a pity that we can't pin this one on Danny Boy, but the idea to build the new stadium 15 years ago in Godforsakenville belonged to the previous owner, Jack Kent Cooke, who somehow didn't get it that the WASHINGTON Redskins needed to be in WASHINGTON. Abe Pollin did the absolute right thing, putting Verizon Center smack dab in the middle of town, easily accessible from just about anywhere on Metro. He revitalized the entire Penn Quarter. The Squire had blinders on, and went out to Yukka Flats (a/k/a Godforsakenville) which requires a full day committment to see a shitty team lose. You can see the same shitty team from the comfort of your own home! And, you can multi-task while you do it! Surf the net, read the NYT, pay bills, have sex...whatever! You won't miss a thing. I've taken to taping the games, which reduces the pain from 3 hours to a manageable 2 hours, cutting out the commercials. The only negative thing about only having 2 hours to watch the game is that I have only 2 hours to multi-task. And my finger is constantly on the fast forward button.
To get back to the point, I predict that after the Redskins get their collective assess handed to them by the Eagles Monday night (74-0?), Zorn will finally be fired, some assistant will take over as "interim", Joe Gibbs will be brought in to find and recruit a GM and will hire his son to do the job. Or Danny's son. Or Vinny's son. Or whoever's son is out of a job and needs a million or so thrown his way. Hey, Danny! My son could use a million bucks, and his qualifications for the job are superb: he knows absolutely nothing about evaluating professional football talent! In other words, he fits right in!
Whaddaya say, Danny Boy? I'll be your best friend....
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Welcome - this is a blog devoted to how Dan Snyder has single handedly ruined one of the most storied NFL franchises: The Washington Redskins
Let me start. One can say that it isn't the owner's fault, it's the players'. After all, the owner isn't on the field taking snaps, or running pass routes, or blitzing. But, I suggest that there's a direct connection between a player's desire to win, and thus the effort he puts out on the field, and the owner's business attitude. In our case, we have a snot-nosed, super-rich wunderkind, in the form of Dan Snyder, known for his business acumen - more accurately called ruthlessness. This guy would sue his own mother if she were behind on season tickets payments (I have no doubt that Snyder charges his mother full price). It was the story in the Post several weeks ago about Snyder suing Redskins' fans that really got to me. These people, some of whom were lifelong Redskins fans, had lost their jobs, were on disability, were on the verge of losing their homes, were mentally incapacitated - yet Snyder, in his infinite idiocy, saw fit to bring suit against them, and prosecute it to a judgment WHEN HE PURPORTEDLY HAS 50,000 FANS ON THE SEASON TICKET WAITING LIST!!!! Now, does that make any sense? Sure, he has the legal right to sue them, but so what? Does he NEED the money? Can he RESELL those tickets easily and quickly to the next fan on the list? Does he even stop to think about the public relations debacle that would ensue if this practice became known to the public? The guy is a ruthless, heartless asshole. And here's the important part: if you were a Redskins player, making a tidy six or seven figures a game, how much would you leave on the field for an owner who is an obvious ruthless, heartless asshole? How much extra effort would you put out, knowing that the guy who owns you and your team, who has 50,000 people on his season ticket waiting list, actually sues fans (who ultimately pay your salary) who are unable to keep their committments due to a major downturn in the economy? The answer is: none. It's not even a conscious decision; it's just a feeling they have deep down inside. And it's exactly that type of extra effort that can make the difference between a good team and bad one. There's always an external motivator. And in our case, we have an external DE-motivator. If we had a beloved owner, who was kind, generous, caring, giving, etc., I believe that the team would win many more games, because they WOULD leave it out on the field for such a man. But, we have the antithesis of that. Who cares about the owner? No one. And this is simply karma: who will care about the team? Eventually, no one. And, eventually, the fans will stop buying tickets, and POOF, it will be all gone, Danny Boy. Because that is the only language you will understand.
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