Every now and then, one gets to gloat.
My turn.
Re-read my post from April 25, 2010 about Snyder's misbegotten acquisition of Donovan McNabb being a big mistake, a classic Snyder blunder.
OMFUCKINGNICIENT!
Here we are, almost a year later, and the talk is all about how McNabb failed, how he incessantly throws passes into the ground, how he was unable to adapt to Shanahan's offense, and in fact got benched the last several games in favor of a guy whose name I can't even remember.
I fucking told you so.
As you can see from my previous post (BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO), the end is not near - it's here. After waiting 25 years on the fucking waiting list (I got on it when Lombardi was coach), and after getting the tickets in 1992 and holding the tickets for almost 20 years, and after suffering through only 2 playoff appearances in all that time (I even took my kids down to Tampa Bay in 1999 to see Turk to Turk fumble a snap on a last minute field goal, losing 14-13), I gave up. Yes, my timing getting the tickets was atrocious (not that I had any choice) - I got my season tickets the season AFTER Rypien won our last Super Bowl, the first year that Pettibon was coach. Oy. I did not renew this year. The deadline was March 1st and I let it go by. Sniff sniff. Snyder even offered a 5% discount on the Redskins jersey of the as-yet undrafted wunderkind "franchise" quarterback that the Skins will undoubtedly pick in the first round. But it was not enough. I negotiated for a 10% discount, and upon deadlocking at 7.5%, I punted. But unlike the Turks, I didn't botch it. It actually felt good to send a message to Danny Boy that the combination of his incredible arrogance, mismanagement, his "let's throw some money at it" solution to everything, the so-called "fan experience" (shitty) at the stadium in Godforsakenville - jeez, I could go on all day - led to me saying WTF. The last straw, I think, was Snyder suing the City Paper for libel, thereby bringing that wonderful article to the attention of hundreds of thousands of people who never saw it in the first place. He says that he was advised to do so by his media relations guy - the guy hired to improve his image. What's the guy's name? Probably a relative of Vinny Cerrato.
The only solace is that Snyder has truly had his day. We have seen the beginning of the end of pro football, and that includes Danny Boy. It will go the way of Six Flags. And pro boxing. And the killing of Christians by lions. Just ask yourself: how many mothers are going to let their precious sons play junior league football after the horrible news about concussions, and about that pre-Alzheimers disease that caused one player to commit suicide so his brain could be studied? The answer is: only the very stupid mothers. And then high school football will dry up. And then the colleges will dry up. And then the NFL draft will dry up. And then, and then, and then....heh heh...along came Jones (ah, another old song). And then Danny Boy will need to find another expensive amusement to mismanage. Why doesn't he just fucking give his money to charity? Do a Bill Gates? (ya gotta love that guy, seriously). Because it's too obvious.
Well, it's fucking 2:00 am here in Washington DC. I have been writing this blog under a pseudonym, fearing that Sndyer will take revenge and revoke my season tickets. But I am no longer afraid of him. Come and get me! Make me an example, like City Paper, of how you don't believe in freedom of speech. What a clown. The judgment of a flea.
So, I'm coming out of the closet. My real name is Perry Saidman. I am a native Washingtonian, graduating from Coolidge High School. I live in DC.
So there.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO (or “Why I Gave Up My Redskins Season Tickets After 45 Years”)
(with apologies to Neil Sedaka)
Remember when I got my tix
I waited many years on the waiting list
I had never known such bliss
Breaking up is hard to do.
The team wasn’t great, but that’s ok
We loved to go to RFK
Win or lose, the band did play
Breaking up is hard to do
[REFRAIN]
They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true
Please sell and bring an end to my pain
Instead of breaking up I’d be a loyal Redskins fan again.
When you bought in, then it all changed
What you did with money was very strange
As a Skins fan I was ashamed
Breaking up is hard to do
Deion, Dana and Adam Arch,
Stank up the joint and boy that smarts
Yet you kept doing it and doing it and doing it
Breaking up is hard to do
[REFRAIN]
Since you screwed up, I’ve gotten mad
I’ve written blog posts that are not bad
Anger with you left me in such a stew
My season tix I didn’t renew.
I beg of you, please call it quits
No more free agents or ego fits
Come on Skins, let’s start anew
Cause breaking up is hard to do.
[REFRAIN]
You took my Skins away from me
You left this fan in misery
If you go then I’ll be back
Since breaking up is caused by you
Remember when I got my tix
I waited many years on the waiting list
I had never known such bliss
Breaking up is hard to do.
The team wasn’t great, but that’s ok
We loved to go to RFK
Win or lose, the band did play
Breaking up is hard to do
[REFRAIN]
They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true
Please sell and bring an end to my pain
Instead of breaking up I’d be a loyal Redskins fan again.
When you bought in, then it all changed
What you did with money was very strange
As a Skins fan I was ashamed
Breaking up is hard to do
Deion, Dana and Adam Arch,
Stank up the joint and boy that smarts
Yet you kept doing it and doing it and doing it
Breaking up is hard to do
[REFRAIN]
Since you screwed up, I’ve gotten mad
I’ve written blog posts that are not bad
Anger with you left me in such a stew
My season tix I didn’t renew.
I beg of you, please call it quits
No more free agents or ego fits
Come on Skins, let’s start anew
Cause breaking up is hard to do.
[REFRAIN]
You took my Skins away from me
You left this fan in misery
If you go then I’ll be back
Since breaking up is caused by you
Sunday, April 25, 2010
ATTENTION DANNY-BOY: WINNING 101
I was beginning to wonder if I would ever have anything more to blog about. I mean, with hiring George Allen’s son, bringing on board Mike Shanahan, letting go a lot of useless over the hill types – one could actually get the sense that something new was taking place in the front office, that Danny Boy had seen the light, and was now actually committed to the long term process known as rebuilding a team, step by step, using draft picks wisely, trading aging veterans for low draft picks – which brings us to Donovan McNabb. That’s just what Andy Reid and the Eagles (who know McNabb better than anyone else) have done – trade an aging veteran for low draft picks. So, who’s rebuilding? And who better for the Eagles to peddle McNabb to? Danny “The Future is Now” Snyder. So, thank you Danny, for giving me some grist for the mill.
You have to ask yourself: why would Philadelphia, a wildly successful playoff team (compared to the Redskins) peddle McNabb to a division rival? Because McNabb would lead the Redskins back into playoff contention? Because McNabb was in the peak of his career and had at least 3 good, maybe great, years left? Because he would help the Redskins beat the Eagles twice during the season? No. It was because no one else wanted McNabb, except Danny “Over the Hill Gang” Snyder.
There hasn’t been this much excitement around here since, well, since Danny Boy signed Albert “I don’t do that practice shit” Haynesworth for $100+ million. Well, actually, if I think back, there may have been this much excitement when Danny Boy signed Jeff “I have a shotgun arm – but no aim” George.
Let’s face it. It appears that Danny Boy is hard-wired to seek instant gratification, ignoring the fact that no long-term successful NFL team gets built this way. This is really business as usual: there is a long list of hot free agents and veterans the Redskins have picked up in the offseason, year after year, to raise the hopes of fans (and sell more tickets), only to be dashed when the overpaid players are too busy clipping coupons rather than running and tackling on the field.
Successful NFL teams (e.g., the Colts, the Patriots, the Ravens, the Seahawks) understand the motivation/economics of winning: the more you pay, the less they play. That’s why the successful teams draft a lot of good college players, and play them right away. The new players are HUNGRY, not clipping coupons. They play hard so they will prove themselves and get a big contract. It only stands to reason that after Danny Boy whips out his checkbook for an “established” player, their motivation goes out the window. I mean, why the fuck should they play hard? They have enough money in the bank to dictate to the coaching staff when and where they will practice, and how much they will play. Enter stage left, Albert Haynesworth, smiling, and holding up his middle finger.
Let’s look at what just happened this week: the Patriots drafted 12 players. The Rams drafted 11 including Sam Bradford. The Panthers drafted 10, including Jimmy Clausen. And the Eagles, bless their McNabb-free and Snyder-rich hearts, drafted 13! The Redskins drafted 6. Who, exactly, is building for the future with hungry players who are motivated to play their guts out?
The true motivation for picking up McNabb appears to be to sell more Redskins jerseys. Not 24 hours went by after the trade was announced that the Redskins were selling No. 5 jerseys with McNabb’s name on the back, and he hadn’t thrown a single pass – he hadn’t even been introduced to the media. The hidden insult here is that the No. 5 jersey belonged to Curt Knight, a great placekicker for the 69-73 Skins.
Whatever hope the Redskins had of turning around this sorry franchise with some long term planning is out the window. Absolutely forget it. Let's sell more jerseys. Now.
p.s. Speaking of jerseys, I am NOT getting rid of my #17 jersey. I got it when Doug "let's watch that second quarter against the Broncos" Williams was QB, although unfortunately it does not have his name on the back. People see me and wonder: Kilmer, Williams, Campbell? It's my favorite piece of Redskins apparel, right above my T-shirt: "I am a Redskins fan and I LIKE GUS". Take that, Heath Shuler.
p.p.s. So, if you're superstitious, ya' gotta wonder. McNabb of course will be wearing jersey #5. The last person to wear it? Heath Shuler. Oy.
You have to ask yourself: why would Philadelphia, a wildly successful playoff team (compared to the Redskins) peddle McNabb to a division rival? Because McNabb would lead the Redskins back into playoff contention? Because McNabb was in the peak of his career and had at least 3 good, maybe great, years left? Because he would help the Redskins beat the Eagles twice during the season? No. It was because no one else wanted McNabb, except Danny “Over the Hill Gang” Snyder.
There hasn’t been this much excitement around here since, well, since Danny Boy signed Albert “I don’t do that practice shit” Haynesworth for $100+ million. Well, actually, if I think back, there may have been this much excitement when Danny Boy signed Jeff “I have a shotgun arm – but no aim” George.
Let’s face it. It appears that Danny Boy is hard-wired to seek instant gratification, ignoring the fact that no long-term successful NFL team gets built this way. This is really business as usual: there is a long list of hot free agents and veterans the Redskins have picked up in the offseason, year after year, to raise the hopes of fans (and sell more tickets), only to be dashed when the overpaid players are too busy clipping coupons rather than running and tackling on the field.
Successful NFL teams (e.g., the Colts, the Patriots, the Ravens, the Seahawks) understand the motivation/economics of winning: the more you pay, the less they play. That’s why the successful teams draft a lot of good college players, and play them right away. The new players are HUNGRY, not clipping coupons. They play hard so they will prove themselves and get a big contract. It only stands to reason that after Danny Boy whips out his checkbook for an “established” player, their motivation goes out the window. I mean, why the fuck should they play hard? They have enough money in the bank to dictate to the coaching staff when and where they will practice, and how much they will play. Enter stage left, Albert Haynesworth, smiling, and holding up his middle finger.
Let’s look at what just happened this week: the Patriots drafted 12 players. The Rams drafted 11 including Sam Bradford. The Panthers drafted 10, including Jimmy Clausen. And the Eagles, bless their McNabb-free and Snyder-rich hearts, drafted 13! The Redskins drafted 6. Who, exactly, is building for the future with hungry players who are motivated to play their guts out?
The true motivation for picking up McNabb appears to be to sell more Redskins jerseys. Not 24 hours went by after the trade was announced that the Redskins were selling No. 5 jerseys with McNabb’s name on the back, and he hadn’t thrown a single pass – he hadn’t even been introduced to the media. The hidden insult here is that the No. 5 jersey belonged to Curt Knight, a great placekicker for the 69-73 Skins.
Whatever hope the Redskins had of turning around this sorry franchise with some long term planning is out the window. Absolutely forget it. Let's sell more jerseys. Now.
p.s. Speaking of jerseys, I am NOT getting rid of my #17 jersey. I got it when Doug "let's watch that second quarter against the Broncos" Williams was QB, although unfortunately it does not have his name on the back. People see me and wonder: Kilmer, Williams, Campbell? It's my favorite piece of Redskins apparel, right above my T-shirt: "I am a Redskins fan and I LIKE GUS". Take that, Heath Shuler.
p.p.s. So, if you're superstitious, ya' gotta wonder. McNabb of course will be wearing jersey #5. The last person to wear it? Heath Shuler. Oy.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!
Vinny is fired! I mean, Vinny resigns! Vinny is a participant in an orchestrated firing (aka resignation) so he can save face. Allen returns! Hail, return of the Allen family! Break out the Bandwagon! (Tony, where are ya’ when we need ya’?).
If this wasn’t such an obvious nostalgia move (Joe Gibbs being the first), it might be laudable. I actually believe that Bruce Allen was rehired to confirm Danny Boy’s obvious and undeniable modus operandi: THE FUTURE IS NOW! How else does one explain paying outrageous signing bonuses and salaries to players that everyone else knows are over the hill? Deion Sanders? Dana Stubblefield? Bruce Smith? Adam Archuleta? Time to resurrect the OVER THE HILL GANG! If Joe Gibbs can’t bring back those glory years, then maybe George Allen’s family can.
Maybe I won’t give up my season tickets after all. Let me tell you what I had to go through to get those tickets. I got on the waiting list when Vince Lombardi became coach. Yep, it was like 1968. My number on the list was like 522. I figured, short wait. Each year, I would dutifully check where I was on the list, sending a nice letter to the Redskins ticket office, getting an official preprinted postcard back where someone had hand-written my position on the list. In 1969, I was 517. In 1970, I was 509. I started to wonder. In 1972, I had trickled down to 496. George Allen arrived, and things slowed down even more. In 1974, I was 491. This was silly. By the time my number came up, I figured I’d be 145 years old. I stopped checking. But I did advise the Redskins of every change of address, just in case.
Fast forward to 1992. Right after the Skins’ last Super Bowl victory in January of that year, after Gibbs retires (for the first time), I was out of town for a big chunk of August and September – in Pensacola, FL to adopt my youngest daughter. When I got back to DC around September 20th, there’s the proverbial stack o’ mail waiting, and buried in the middle is a letter from the Redskins, dated September 1st, telling me I had reached the top of the list, and that I could pick up my tickets at the Redskins Ticket Office at RFK. And there was a p.s. - if I didn’t pick them up by September 21st, they would be given to the next person on the list!
OMG!
You coulda scraped me off the ceiling. After waiting 24 years, I got up at 4 am the next day, unable to sleep really, and beat it down to the ticket office to pick up those babies! I suddenly had bragging rights – season tickets to the Washington Redskins! Heaven! I didn’t even mind that the two seats were in the corner of the end zone, lower level, because I was sitting right next to the Redskins Marching Band (they sat there when they weren’t marching, which was most of the time). These guys grooved, and made up for the fact that the Redskins under Richie Pettibon’s first season coaching, sucked. I didn’t mind! I had my seats, RFK rocked, and the band played on.
Mid-1990s was the beginning of the end, when Jack Kent Cooke decided to build a new stadium out in Godforsakenville. And, worst of all, it wasn’t even a modern stadium, just a replica of Giants’ Stadium, no imagination, no amenities, lousy food, impossible to get to, and perhaps worst of all, the stands did not rock when the fans jumped up and down like in RFK (and there was very little jumping in the 90s).
This is really a long story, but let me cut it a bit short. The Redskins went to the playoffs in 1999 against the Bucs, and I traveled down to Tampa with my son and daughter to see the Skins lose to the Bucs, in one damn hostile stadium (but a nice design). I almost went to Seattle a few years later to see the Redskins lose to the Seahawks, but didn’t like rainy, cold weather. It’s been nothing else. No playoffs, no Super Bowl, etc. I spent the Redskins’ glory years on the waiting list – was I a curse? Was it my fault? Sorry, Danny, I’m really sorry.
But, to honor the team, and give them some luck, I stopped going to most of the games a few years back. I must admit that a big part of this was the all-day excursion that was required to get to and from Godforsakenville. Part of this was because a large part of the crowd became drunk and unruly by the 4th quarter. Part of this was because it’s not that much fun sitting in the hot sun, or freezing cold, when I could be on my couch at home in front of my 50” plasma TV. Part of this is because there have been so few games worth looking at. So I’ve taken in recent years to reselling my tickets, week by week, first through the Post (3 lines, 3 days, $25), and then, thank god, through craigslist (free!). Selling tickets through craigslist was time-consuming, and chancy. Meeting strangers in front of Starbucks and exchanging an envelope with tickets for cash felt like a drug transaction (not that I’ve ever had one of those!). It was basically a pain in the ass, and for the last few years, a losing proposition as my $100 tickets had to be dumped in some instances for $50-$75. I would have given them up this year had I not been able to sell the entire package to a broker in one swell foop. But next year I will become part of the tidal wave of disgusted fans who want to send Danny Boy a message. Just think, if 80,000 people did not renew their season tickets, and half of those on the waiting list opted out, then the stadium in Godforsakenville would be over half empty on game day. What a wonderful message to send Danny Boy. Hits him in a place he’ll understand – his wallet. Karma.
That was quite a season ticket saga. Very impressive story, I must say.
Back to the beginning, what does hiring the son of George Allen mean? [check all that apply]:
1. We are going to the Super Bowl.
2. We are going to the playoffs.
3. We are going nowhere.
4. We are going nuts.
5. Snyder hasn’t ruined the Redskins.
6. All our problems are solved.
7. Our offensive line is solid.
8. The investment in Haynesworth is paying off.
9. Jason Campbell is the franchise QB we’ve been looking for.
10. Carlos Rogers will stop dropping balls.
11. Danny Boy will stop suing disabled season ticket holders.
12. Danny Boy will allow fans to bring inoffensive (to him) signs to the games, and he will
announce this new policy on 10 am the day of a game to make sure everyone is already headed out to Godforsakenville, too late to make or bring a sign.
13. In a stunning, halftime operation, Danny Boy will return Jim Zorn’s genitals to their proper location and allow the man to call the plays (which Zorn’s doing anyway). This operation will be featured on an upcoming episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
14. Danny Boy will actually give Bruce Allen authority to order his lunch. This GM will therefore have more power than Vinny, who could not be trusted to order Danny’s coffee.
15. Danny Boy will make “THE FUTURE IS NOW” the official slogan of the Redskins.
16. Danny Boy has seen the error of his ways and is submitting a full confession, along with his notice of resignation. This will be the subject of an upcoming episode of Law and Order – Special Victims Unit.
17. Danny Boy will return Tom Cruise’s underwear to him, slightly soiled.
18. Danny Boy will wake up one day, slap his forehead, and say: “Shit. So money doesn’t really make you happy, does it?”
19. Danny Boy will make a guest appearance on House to get House to diagnose what’s wrong with the team. For the first time on the series, House can’t figure it out, but he’ll be hired by Snyder (with a $100 million signing bonus) to be the Redskins’ Director of Diagnosis.
20. Hunter Smith, former punter, will be named the Redskins’ “quarterback of the future”. The front office, excited about Hunter’s 153.6 rating in the Denver game, signed him to a 6 year, $110 million, no cut contract, and has brought Babe Laufenberg out of retirement to be Hunter’s quarterback coach.
21. Riggo was wrong – Danny Boy does have a heart of gold.
22. Charlie Brotman was wrong – Danny Boy doesn’t need to talk to the fans.
23. Mike Wise is wrong – Snyder has made all the right moves.
24. Tracee Hamilton is wrong – Danny Boy is a savvy owner.
25. Mike Wilbon is wrong – The Danny knows how to hire good people and then get out of the way.
26. We are all wrong – throwing big bucks to free agents is the only way to build a good team.
27. Dan Shapiro is wrong – the Redskins are the darlings of the NFL.
28. I’m wrong – Danny Boy is loved, revered, praised, and exalted.
27. The entire fucking world is wrong – MONEY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!
All because Danny hired the Son of Allen.
I never knew that hiring someone was like taking a Zoloft, or Valium.
Drugs to the Redskins, drug victory, Braves on the drugpath, zone out for old DC.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………..
If it were this easy, we could hire an Allen every day. Bruce’s brother George, for example, is the racist former Republican Senator from Virginia, who I understand is available to supplant Zorn as head coach, and would fit in nicely to the plan to make the future NOW.
What a twist that would be – having two Allens to screw around with the team.
A true Allen wrench.
Arrrggggggggggggggggggg………………
If this wasn’t such an obvious nostalgia move (Joe Gibbs being the first), it might be laudable. I actually believe that Bruce Allen was rehired to confirm Danny Boy’s obvious and undeniable modus operandi: THE FUTURE IS NOW! How else does one explain paying outrageous signing bonuses and salaries to players that everyone else knows are over the hill? Deion Sanders? Dana Stubblefield? Bruce Smith? Adam Archuleta? Time to resurrect the OVER THE HILL GANG! If Joe Gibbs can’t bring back those glory years, then maybe George Allen’s family can.
Maybe I won’t give up my season tickets after all. Let me tell you what I had to go through to get those tickets. I got on the waiting list when Vince Lombardi became coach. Yep, it was like 1968. My number on the list was like 522. I figured, short wait. Each year, I would dutifully check where I was on the list, sending a nice letter to the Redskins ticket office, getting an official preprinted postcard back where someone had hand-written my position on the list. In 1969, I was 517. In 1970, I was 509. I started to wonder. In 1972, I had trickled down to 496. George Allen arrived, and things slowed down even more. In 1974, I was 491. This was silly. By the time my number came up, I figured I’d be 145 years old. I stopped checking. But I did advise the Redskins of every change of address, just in case.
Fast forward to 1992. Right after the Skins’ last Super Bowl victory in January of that year, after Gibbs retires (for the first time), I was out of town for a big chunk of August and September – in Pensacola, FL to adopt my youngest daughter. When I got back to DC around September 20th, there’s the proverbial stack o’ mail waiting, and buried in the middle is a letter from the Redskins, dated September 1st, telling me I had reached the top of the list, and that I could pick up my tickets at the Redskins Ticket Office at RFK. And there was a p.s. - if I didn’t pick them up by September 21st, they would be given to the next person on the list!
OMG!
You coulda scraped me off the ceiling. After waiting 24 years, I got up at 4 am the next day, unable to sleep really, and beat it down to the ticket office to pick up those babies! I suddenly had bragging rights – season tickets to the Washington Redskins! Heaven! I didn’t even mind that the two seats were in the corner of the end zone, lower level, because I was sitting right next to the Redskins Marching Band (they sat there when they weren’t marching, which was most of the time). These guys grooved, and made up for the fact that the Redskins under Richie Pettibon’s first season coaching, sucked. I didn’t mind! I had my seats, RFK rocked, and the band played on.
Mid-1990s was the beginning of the end, when Jack Kent Cooke decided to build a new stadium out in Godforsakenville. And, worst of all, it wasn’t even a modern stadium, just a replica of Giants’ Stadium, no imagination, no amenities, lousy food, impossible to get to, and perhaps worst of all, the stands did not rock when the fans jumped up and down like in RFK (and there was very little jumping in the 90s).
This is really a long story, but let me cut it a bit short. The Redskins went to the playoffs in 1999 against the Bucs, and I traveled down to Tampa with my son and daughter to see the Skins lose to the Bucs, in one damn hostile stadium (but a nice design). I almost went to Seattle a few years later to see the Redskins lose to the Seahawks, but didn’t like rainy, cold weather. It’s been nothing else. No playoffs, no Super Bowl, etc. I spent the Redskins’ glory years on the waiting list – was I a curse? Was it my fault? Sorry, Danny, I’m really sorry.
But, to honor the team, and give them some luck, I stopped going to most of the games a few years back. I must admit that a big part of this was the all-day excursion that was required to get to and from Godforsakenville. Part of this was because a large part of the crowd became drunk and unruly by the 4th quarter. Part of this was because it’s not that much fun sitting in the hot sun, or freezing cold, when I could be on my couch at home in front of my 50” plasma TV. Part of this is because there have been so few games worth looking at. So I’ve taken in recent years to reselling my tickets, week by week, first through the Post (3 lines, 3 days, $25), and then, thank god, through craigslist (free!). Selling tickets through craigslist was time-consuming, and chancy. Meeting strangers in front of Starbucks and exchanging an envelope with tickets for cash felt like a drug transaction (not that I’ve ever had one of those!). It was basically a pain in the ass, and for the last few years, a losing proposition as my $100 tickets had to be dumped in some instances for $50-$75. I would have given them up this year had I not been able to sell the entire package to a broker in one swell foop. But next year I will become part of the tidal wave of disgusted fans who want to send Danny Boy a message. Just think, if 80,000 people did not renew their season tickets, and half of those on the waiting list opted out, then the stadium in Godforsakenville would be over half empty on game day. What a wonderful message to send Danny Boy. Hits him in a place he’ll understand – his wallet. Karma.
That was quite a season ticket saga. Very impressive story, I must say.
Back to the beginning, what does hiring the son of George Allen mean? [check all that apply]:
1. We are going to the Super Bowl.
2. We are going to the playoffs.
3. We are going nowhere.
4. We are going nuts.
5. Snyder hasn’t ruined the Redskins.
6. All our problems are solved.
7. Our offensive line is solid.
8. The investment in Haynesworth is paying off.
9. Jason Campbell is the franchise QB we’ve been looking for.
10. Carlos Rogers will stop dropping balls.
11. Danny Boy will stop suing disabled season ticket holders.
12. Danny Boy will allow fans to bring inoffensive (to him) signs to the games, and he will
announce this new policy on 10 am the day of a game to make sure everyone is already headed out to Godforsakenville, too late to make or bring a sign.
13. In a stunning, halftime operation, Danny Boy will return Jim Zorn’s genitals to their proper location and allow the man to call the plays (which Zorn’s doing anyway). This operation will be featured on an upcoming episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
14. Danny Boy will actually give Bruce Allen authority to order his lunch. This GM will therefore have more power than Vinny, who could not be trusted to order Danny’s coffee.
15. Danny Boy will make “THE FUTURE IS NOW” the official slogan of the Redskins.
16. Danny Boy has seen the error of his ways and is submitting a full confession, along with his notice of resignation. This will be the subject of an upcoming episode of Law and Order – Special Victims Unit.
17. Danny Boy will return Tom Cruise’s underwear to him, slightly soiled.
18. Danny Boy will wake up one day, slap his forehead, and say: “Shit. So money doesn’t really make you happy, does it?”
19. Danny Boy will make a guest appearance on House to get House to diagnose what’s wrong with the team. For the first time on the series, House can’t figure it out, but he’ll be hired by Snyder (with a $100 million signing bonus) to be the Redskins’ Director of Diagnosis.
20. Hunter Smith, former punter, will be named the Redskins’ “quarterback of the future”. The front office, excited about Hunter’s 153.6 rating in the Denver game, signed him to a 6 year, $110 million, no cut contract, and has brought Babe Laufenberg out of retirement to be Hunter’s quarterback coach.
21. Riggo was wrong – Danny Boy does have a heart of gold.
22. Charlie Brotman was wrong – Danny Boy doesn’t need to talk to the fans.
23. Mike Wise is wrong – Snyder has made all the right moves.
24. Tracee Hamilton is wrong – Danny Boy is a savvy owner.
25. Mike Wilbon is wrong – The Danny knows how to hire good people and then get out of the way.
26. We are all wrong – throwing big bucks to free agents is the only way to build a good team.
27. Dan Shapiro is wrong – the Redskins are the darlings of the NFL.
28. I’m wrong – Danny Boy is loved, revered, praised, and exalted.
27. The entire fucking world is wrong – MONEY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!
All because Danny hired the Son of Allen.
I never knew that hiring someone was like taking a Zoloft, or Valium.
Drugs to the Redskins, drug victory, Braves on the drugpath, zone out for old DC.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………..
If it were this easy, we could hire an Allen every day. Bruce’s brother George, for example, is the racist former Republican Senator from Virginia, who I understand is available to supplant Zorn as head coach, and would fit in nicely to the plan to make the future NOW.
What a twist that would be – having two Allens to screw around with the team.
A true Allen wrench.
Arrrggggggggggggggggggg………………
Sunday, November 8, 2009
New Riggo Drill: DRILL SNYDER
I love John Riggins. I hate Dan Snyder.
Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you why I love John Riggins. Anyone who’s read even one post from this blog knows why I hate Dan Snyder.
John Riggins is really smart. He cuts right to the heart of the matter, and speaks his mind. Unlike other commentators, he doesn’t do it to generate controversy, or attract listeners. He doesn’t really give a tinker’s damn about that. He says what he knows, and what he believes, and what his opinion is, damn the torpedoes. Ya’ gotta love a guy like that, a guy who doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
And oh yes, did I mention that he’s the best running back who has ever worn the burgundy and gold? John was the guy who, in the Redskins’ great 1982 post season run, said to Coach Gibbs: “Give me the football”. And give it, he did. Riggo posted 100+ yards in each of those playoff games, spawning the infamous Riggo Drill. Everyone on defense KNEW he was getting the ball, and that did not stop John. By the sheer force of his talent, willpower, determination, guts, and professionalism, he pounded it out, for the team, for the coach, for the fans (who can forget that midfield bow?), and yes, for the owner, Jack Kent Cooke who, despite all his failings (the most serious of which may have been building a stadium in Godforsakenville), was an owner who knew how to get out of the way and let Gibbs coach, and let Beathard get players for Gibbs to coach. Oh, Jesus, let us only return to those thrilling days of yesteryear. But I digress.
I still have hanging on my wall (as many of you do, I am sure) the poster of John Riggins leaving that hapless Dolphin cornerback Don McNeal in the dust, trying desperately to separate John from his jersey, hanging on for dear life, fruitlessly, as John broke his grasp and lumbered towards the end zone. John Riggins turned a simple off-tackle play “70 chip” into a Super Bowl trophy. It is the Redskins’ Greatest Moment. I love John Riggins.
Along with the rest of us, John Riggins has been an outspoken critic of Dan Snyder and his acolytes. This past week, Riggo really lit into Snyder, saying he was “evil incarnate” and had a “black heart”, among other things. Personally, I thought it was a stretch to suggest that Danny Boy was even in possession of a body organ resembling a heart, much less a black one, in view of Snyder’s heartless lawsuits against disabled and unemployed season ticket holders when he had a purported 50,000 people on the season ticket waiting list (what’s that list down to now, Danny Boy?). Those money-grubbing lawsuits will someday be looked back upon as the beginning of the end for Danny Boy.
So what happened when Riggo said that Danny Boy has a black heart? One of Snyder’s highly paid employees, namely Coach Greg Blache, spoke out in Snyder’s defense, naming several attempts by Danny Boy to prove he was not heartless. If you read down the list of things Coach Blache said of his employer, and put after each of them the phrase [so I could make more money], it might put things into perspective. Everything Snyder does is geared towards making more money. Everything. And he does a lot of dark, heartless things that, weirdly, make him less money. Ask Lavar Arrington. Ask Greg Williams. Ask Marty Schottenheimer. Ask Jason Campbell (after he leaves). Ask Brian Mitchell. Ask Jim Zorn (again, after he’s fired). And I might mention that Zorn also came to Snyder’s defense, although you could not have scripted a more lukewarm defense than Zorn voiced.
What did Riggo do in response to these overwhelming voices (that would be 2 voices) that defended Danny Boy? He got on the radio and said, characteristically, “I stick by what I said. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” Gotta love a guy like that.
But here’s the rub: Riggo also said on the radio that he has anecdotal evidence of Snyder’s black heart, but he wasn’t willing to reveal it. Let me make it clear that I believe 100% that John has such evidence. There is simply no doubt in my mind. Why? John Riggins is no Joe McCarthy, prone to wild accusations. For John not to have this evidence would be so out of character that it’s simply not believable.
So, to my hero John Riggins: ya’ gotta say what it is. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but the other side is throwing out all this goody-two-shoes stuff about Snyder, and it’s time to fire back. For the integrity of the accusation. For your own integrity and good name, because Danny Boy will release his goon squad to discredit you. For the future of the Redskins organization.
SOMEONE HAS TO SAY THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES, AND WHY.
I don’t just say “Snyder Has Ruined the Redskins”, I say why. I cite evidence. Sure, I’m sarcastic and cynical, but hey, that’s the advantage of writing an anonymous blog. Riggo has much more courage than I do – he does it in his own name; remember, he doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
So, John, come out of the closet with this evidence. The fans await. The world awaits. Danny Boy wants you to remain silent: 'Do not show the world who I really am, what I really do [to make more money].'
Riggo, do what ya’ gotta’ do to get permission from any other people in the story, and break it. It’s your own word at stake, since there are others out there who might not love you as much as I do. So, come out.
Please.
Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you why I love John Riggins. Anyone who’s read even one post from this blog knows why I hate Dan Snyder.
John Riggins is really smart. He cuts right to the heart of the matter, and speaks his mind. Unlike other commentators, he doesn’t do it to generate controversy, or attract listeners. He doesn’t really give a tinker’s damn about that. He says what he knows, and what he believes, and what his opinion is, damn the torpedoes. Ya’ gotta love a guy like that, a guy who doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
And oh yes, did I mention that he’s the best running back who has ever worn the burgundy and gold? John was the guy who, in the Redskins’ great 1982 post season run, said to Coach Gibbs: “Give me the football”. And give it, he did. Riggo posted 100+ yards in each of those playoff games, spawning the infamous Riggo Drill. Everyone on defense KNEW he was getting the ball, and that did not stop John. By the sheer force of his talent, willpower, determination, guts, and professionalism, he pounded it out, for the team, for the coach, for the fans (who can forget that midfield bow?), and yes, for the owner, Jack Kent Cooke who, despite all his failings (the most serious of which may have been building a stadium in Godforsakenville), was an owner who knew how to get out of the way and let Gibbs coach, and let Beathard get players for Gibbs to coach. Oh, Jesus, let us only return to those thrilling days of yesteryear. But I digress.
I still have hanging on my wall (as many of you do, I am sure) the poster of John Riggins leaving that hapless Dolphin cornerback Don McNeal in the dust, trying desperately to separate John from his jersey, hanging on for dear life, fruitlessly, as John broke his grasp and lumbered towards the end zone. John Riggins turned a simple off-tackle play “70 chip” into a Super Bowl trophy. It is the Redskins’ Greatest Moment. I love John Riggins.
Along with the rest of us, John Riggins has been an outspoken critic of Dan Snyder and his acolytes. This past week, Riggo really lit into Snyder, saying he was “evil incarnate” and had a “black heart”, among other things. Personally, I thought it was a stretch to suggest that Danny Boy was even in possession of a body organ resembling a heart, much less a black one, in view of Snyder’s heartless lawsuits against disabled and unemployed season ticket holders when he had a purported 50,000 people on the season ticket waiting list (what’s that list down to now, Danny Boy?). Those money-grubbing lawsuits will someday be looked back upon as the beginning of the end for Danny Boy.
So what happened when Riggo said that Danny Boy has a black heart? One of Snyder’s highly paid employees, namely Coach Greg Blache, spoke out in Snyder’s defense, naming several attempts by Danny Boy to prove he was not heartless. If you read down the list of things Coach Blache said of his employer, and put after each of them the phrase [so I could make more money], it might put things into perspective. Everything Snyder does is geared towards making more money. Everything. And he does a lot of dark, heartless things that, weirdly, make him less money. Ask Lavar Arrington. Ask Greg Williams. Ask Marty Schottenheimer. Ask Jason Campbell (after he leaves). Ask Brian Mitchell. Ask Jim Zorn (again, after he’s fired). And I might mention that Zorn also came to Snyder’s defense, although you could not have scripted a more lukewarm defense than Zorn voiced.
What did Riggo do in response to these overwhelming voices (that would be 2 voices) that defended Danny Boy? He got on the radio and said, characteristically, “I stick by what I said. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” Gotta love a guy like that.
But here’s the rub: Riggo also said on the radio that he has anecdotal evidence of Snyder’s black heart, but he wasn’t willing to reveal it. Let me make it clear that I believe 100% that John has such evidence. There is simply no doubt in my mind. Why? John Riggins is no Joe McCarthy, prone to wild accusations. For John not to have this evidence would be so out of character that it’s simply not believable.
So, to my hero John Riggins: ya’ gotta say what it is. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but the other side is throwing out all this goody-two-shoes stuff about Snyder, and it’s time to fire back. For the integrity of the accusation. For your own integrity and good name, because Danny Boy will release his goon squad to discredit you. For the future of the Redskins organization.
SOMEONE HAS TO SAY THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES, AND WHY.
I don’t just say “Snyder Has Ruined the Redskins”, I say why. I cite evidence. Sure, I’m sarcastic and cynical, but hey, that’s the advantage of writing an anonymous blog. Riggo has much more courage than I do – he does it in his own name; remember, he doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
So, John, come out of the closet with this evidence. The fans await. The world awaits. Danny Boy wants you to remain silent: 'Do not show the world who I really am, what I really do [to make more money].'
Riggo, do what ya’ gotta’ do to get permission from any other people in the story, and break it. It’s your own word at stake, since there are others out there who might not love you as much as I do. So, come out.
Please.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Snyder: Mea Culpa - NOT
OK, Danny Boy listened to Charlie Brotman (and everyone else having even a miniscule understanding of PR) and SPOKE TO THE PRESS! Glory, glory hallelujah! The millennium has arrived! Stop the presses! Dismiss those lawsuits! Take off the armbands! Give back the signs and T-shirts! Reignite those charcoal grilles! Tone down the bootjacks! Give Jason and Jim their testicles back! All is well! Danny Boy speaks!
Goodness, gracious, god almighty! What did he say? What has caused thousands of Redskins fans to take to the streets in an unprecedented demonstration of loyalty and support for the team, and yes, love for Danny Boy?
He said: KEEP ON SHOVELING YOUR MONEY MY WAY! I LOVE YOUR MONEY, I CARE ABOUT YOUR MONEY, PLEASE PLEASE KEEP SPENDING IT ON ME, I'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND IF THINGS KEEP GOING DOWNHILL, I'LL LOSE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
OK, maybe I exaggerate just a tad. But, that's everyone's interpretation of what he actually did say, which is, as quoted from today's Washington Post, as follows [editorial comments inserted for clarity]:
"I feel bad for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. I feel sorry for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. And we're very, very appreciative of our great, loyal fan base [who have made me millions of dollars]. And I'm understanding [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, we just feel terrible [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars], and we're embarrassed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. And we hope to get it [the fan-based money machine] going soon. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]."
"It hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, it really hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We are really trying very, very hard [not to lose millions of dollars]."
So, in the great Joe Gibbs tradition, Danny Boy then proceeded to take personal responsibility for the team's failure. After you get up off the floor from laughing, let me tell you what he actually did say (right after "We are really trying very, very hard."):
"Everyone at Redskins Park [but me] - the coaches, the players. The organization [that would be me] has held up really, quite frankly, held up well [since none of this, none, is my fault]."
It could not be more clear, to anyone with a first grade education or better, that Snyder thinks none of this is his fault. Snyder's thought process would be something like this:
>>It's the players' fault (especially Campbell who I tried mightily to replace, twice, in the off-season), it's Zorn's fault (who I stripped of play-calling, the only thing he really did), it's Vinny's fault (even though he's my hand-picked snychopant, one of my favoritists), it's Sherman's fault (nobody told me play-calling was any different from Bingo), it's the other Sherman's fault (he will soon be marching across Georgia), it's SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, DAMMIT. I'm brilliant, I'm smart, I'm rich, and I don't make mistakes. Even if I do (and I would only admit this to Nichole Kidman behind closed doors), I would never admit it publicly since I'm a macho-macho man (I used to be the Redskin Chief for the Village People just so I could wear that Indian headdress).<<
So, despite the fact that today is the first anniversary of perhaps the most significant change in American politics, nothing is going to change in the Redskins organization anytime soon because the owner (that would be Danny Boy) won't admit to himself (much less the fans who are making him millions of dollars) that his gross mismanagement and poor, bordering upon negligent judgment is what put the team in its current condition.
Sigh.
Goodness, gracious, god almighty! What did he say? What has caused thousands of Redskins fans to take to the streets in an unprecedented demonstration of loyalty and support for the team, and yes, love for Danny Boy?
He said: KEEP ON SHOVELING YOUR MONEY MY WAY! I LOVE YOUR MONEY, I CARE ABOUT YOUR MONEY, PLEASE PLEASE KEEP SPENDING IT ON ME, I'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND IF THINGS KEEP GOING DOWNHILL, I'LL LOSE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
OK, maybe I exaggerate just a tad. But, that's everyone's interpretation of what he actually did say, which is, as quoted from today's Washington Post, as follows [editorial comments inserted for clarity]:
"I feel bad for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. I feel sorry for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. And we're very, very appreciative of our great, loyal fan base [who have made me millions of dollars]. And I'm understanding [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, we just feel terrible [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars], and we're embarrassed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. And we hope to get it [the fan-based money machine] going soon. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]."
"It hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, it really hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We are really trying very, very hard [not to lose millions of dollars]."
So, in the great Joe Gibbs tradition, Danny Boy then proceeded to take personal responsibility for the team's failure. After you get up off the floor from laughing, let me tell you what he actually did say (right after "We are really trying very, very hard."):
"Everyone at Redskins Park [but me] - the coaches, the players. The organization [that would be me] has held up really, quite frankly, held up well [since none of this, none, is my fault]."
It could not be more clear, to anyone with a first grade education or better, that Snyder thinks none of this is his fault. Snyder's thought process would be something like this:
>>It's the players' fault (especially Campbell who I tried mightily to replace, twice, in the off-season), it's Zorn's fault (who I stripped of play-calling, the only thing he really did), it's Vinny's fault (even though he's my hand-picked snychopant, one of my favoritists), it's Sherman's fault (nobody told me play-calling was any different from Bingo), it's the other Sherman's fault (he will soon be marching across Georgia), it's SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, DAMMIT. I'm brilliant, I'm smart, I'm rich, and I don't make mistakes. Even if I do (and I would only admit this to Nichole Kidman behind closed doors), I would never admit it publicly since I'm a macho-macho man (I used to be the Redskin Chief for the Village People just so I could wear that Indian headdress).<<
So, despite the fact that today is the first anniversary of perhaps the most significant change in American politics, nothing is going to change in the Redskins organization anytime soon because the owner (that would be Danny Boy) won't admit to himself (much less the fans who are making him millions of dollars) that his gross mismanagement and poor, bordering upon negligent judgment is what put the team in its current condition.
Sigh.
Monday, November 2, 2009
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