Vinny is fired! I mean, Vinny resigns! Vinny is a participant in an orchestrated firing (aka resignation) so he can save face. Allen returns! Hail, return of the Allen family! Break out the Bandwagon! (Tony, where are ya’ when we need ya’?).
If this wasn’t such an obvious nostalgia move (Joe Gibbs being the first), it might be laudable. I actually believe that Bruce Allen was rehired to confirm Danny Boy’s obvious and undeniable modus operandi: THE FUTURE IS NOW! How else does one explain paying outrageous signing bonuses and salaries to players that everyone else knows are over the hill? Deion Sanders? Dana Stubblefield? Bruce Smith? Adam Archuleta? Time to resurrect the OVER THE HILL GANG! If Joe Gibbs can’t bring back those glory years, then maybe George Allen’s family can.
Maybe I won’t give up my season tickets after all. Let me tell you what I had to go through to get those tickets. I got on the waiting list when Vince Lombardi became coach. Yep, it was like 1968. My number on the list was like 522. I figured, short wait. Each year, I would dutifully check where I was on the list, sending a nice letter to the Redskins ticket office, getting an official preprinted postcard back where someone had hand-written my position on the list. In 1969, I was 517. In 1970, I was 509. I started to wonder. In 1972, I had trickled down to 496. George Allen arrived, and things slowed down even more. In 1974, I was 491. This was silly. By the time my number came up, I figured I’d be 145 years old. I stopped checking. But I did advise the Redskins of every change of address, just in case.
Fast forward to 1992. Right after the Skins’ last Super Bowl victory in January of that year, after Gibbs retires (for the first time), I was out of town for a big chunk of August and September – in Pensacola, FL to adopt my youngest daughter. When I got back to DC around September 20th, there’s the proverbial stack o’ mail waiting, and buried in the middle is a letter from the Redskins, dated September 1st, telling me I had reached the top of the list, and that I could pick up my tickets at the Redskins Ticket Office at RFK. And there was a p.s. - if I didn’t pick them up by September 21st, they would be given to the next person on the list!
OMG!
You coulda scraped me off the ceiling. After waiting 24 years, I got up at 4 am the next day, unable to sleep really, and beat it down to the ticket office to pick up those babies! I suddenly had bragging rights – season tickets to the Washington Redskins! Heaven! I didn’t even mind that the two seats were in the corner of the end zone, lower level, because I was sitting right next to the Redskins Marching Band (they sat there when they weren’t marching, which was most of the time). These guys grooved, and made up for the fact that the Redskins under Richie Pettibon’s first season coaching, sucked. I didn’t mind! I had my seats, RFK rocked, and the band played on.
Mid-1990s was the beginning of the end, when Jack Kent Cooke decided to build a new stadium out in Godforsakenville. And, worst of all, it wasn’t even a modern stadium, just a replica of Giants’ Stadium, no imagination, no amenities, lousy food, impossible to get to, and perhaps worst of all, the stands did not rock when the fans jumped up and down like in RFK (and there was very little jumping in the 90s).
This is really a long story, but let me cut it a bit short. The Redskins went to the playoffs in 1999 against the Bucs, and I traveled down to Tampa with my son and daughter to see the Skins lose to the Bucs, in one damn hostile stadium (but a nice design). I almost went to Seattle a few years later to see the Redskins lose to the Seahawks, but didn’t like rainy, cold weather. It’s been nothing else. No playoffs, no Super Bowl, etc. I spent the Redskins’ glory years on the waiting list – was I a curse? Was it my fault? Sorry, Danny, I’m really sorry.
But, to honor the team, and give them some luck, I stopped going to most of the games a few years back. I must admit that a big part of this was the all-day excursion that was required to get to and from Godforsakenville. Part of this was because a large part of the crowd became drunk and unruly by the 4th quarter. Part of this was because it’s not that much fun sitting in the hot sun, or freezing cold, when I could be on my couch at home in front of my 50” plasma TV. Part of this is because there have been so few games worth looking at. So I’ve taken in recent years to reselling my tickets, week by week, first through the Post (3 lines, 3 days, $25), and then, thank god, through craigslist (free!). Selling tickets through craigslist was time-consuming, and chancy. Meeting strangers in front of Starbucks and exchanging an envelope with tickets for cash felt like a drug transaction (not that I’ve ever had one of those!). It was basically a pain in the ass, and for the last few years, a losing proposition as my $100 tickets had to be dumped in some instances for $50-$75. I would have given them up this year had I not been able to sell the entire package to a broker in one swell foop. But next year I will become part of the tidal wave of disgusted fans who want to send Danny Boy a message. Just think, if 80,000 people did not renew their season tickets, and half of those on the waiting list opted out, then the stadium in Godforsakenville would be over half empty on game day. What a wonderful message to send Danny Boy. Hits him in a place he’ll understand – his wallet. Karma.
That was quite a season ticket saga. Very impressive story, I must say.
Back to the beginning, what does hiring the son of George Allen mean? [check all that apply]:
1. We are going to the Super Bowl.
2. We are going to the playoffs.
3. We are going nowhere.
4. We are going nuts.
5. Snyder hasn’t ruined the Redskins.
6. All our problems are solved.
7. Our offensive line is solid.
8. The investment in Haynesworth is paying off.
9. Jason Campbell is the franchise QB we’ve been looking for.
10. Carlos Rogers will stop dropping balls.
11. Danny Boy will stop suing disabled season ticket holders.
12. Danny Boy will allow fans to bring inoffensive (to him) signs to the games, and he will
announce this new policy on 10 am the day of a game to make sure everyone is already headed out to Godforsakenville, too late to make or bring a sign.
13. In a stunning, halftime operation, Danny Boy will return Jim Zorn’s genitals to their proper location and allow the man to call the plays (which Zorn’s doing anyway). This operation will be featured on an upcoming episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
14. Danny Boy will actually give Bruce Allen authority to order his lunch. This GM will therefore have more power than Vinny, who could not be trusted to order Danny’s coffee.
15. Danny Boy will make “THE FUTURE IS NOW” the official slogan of the Redskins.
16. Danny Boy has seen the error of his ways and is submitting a full confession, along with his notice of resignation. This will be the subject of an upcoming episode of Law and Order – Special Victims Unit.
17. Danny Boy will return Tom Cruise’s underwear to him, slightly soiled.
18. Danny Boy will wake up one day, slap his forehead, and say: “Shit. So money doesn’t really make you happy, does it?”
19. Danny Boy will make a guest appearance on House to get House to diagnose what’s wrong with the team. For the first time on the series, House can’t figure it out, but he’ll be hired by Snyder (with a $100 million signing bonus) to be the Redskins’ Director of Diagnosis.
20. Hunter Smith, former punter, will be named the Redskins’ “quarterback of the future”. The front office, excited about Hunter’s 153.6 rating in the Denver game, signed him to a 6 year, $110 million, no cut contract, and has brought Babe Laufenberg out of retirement to be Hunter’s quarterback coach.
21. Riggo was wrong – Danny Boy does have a heart of gold.
22. Charlie Brotman was wrong – Danny Boy doesn’t need to talk to the fans.
23. Mike Wise is wrong – Snyder has made all the right moves.
24. Tracee Hamilton is wrong – Danny Boy is a savvy owner.
25. Mike Wilbon is wrong – The Danny knows how to hire good people and then get out of the way.
26. We are all wrong – throwing big bucks to free agents is the only way to build a good team.
27. Dan Shapiro is wrong – the Redskins are the darlings of the NFL.
28. I’m wrong – Danny Boy is loved, revered, praised, and exalted.
27. The entire fucking world is wrong – MONEY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!
All because Danny hired the Son of Allen.
I never knew that hiring someone was like taking a Zoloft, or Valium.
Drugs to the Redskins, drug victory, Braves on the drugpath, zone out for old DC.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………..
If it were this easy, we could hire an Allen every day. Bruce’s brother George, for example, is the racist former Republican Senator from Virginia, who I understand is available to supplant Zorn as head coach, and would fit in nicely to the plan to make the future NOW.
What a twist that would be – having two Allens to screw around with the team.
A true Allen wrench.
Arrrggggggggggggggggggg………………
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
New Riggo Drill: DRILL SNYDER
I love John Riggins. I hate Dan Snyder.
Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you why I love John Riggins. Anyone who’s read even one post from this blog knows why I hate Dan Snyder.
John Riggins is really smart. He cuts right to the heart of the matter, and speaks his mind. Unlike other commentators, he doesn’t do it to generate controversy, or attract listeners. He doesn’t really give a tinker’s damn about that. He says what he knows, and what he believes, and what his opinion is, damn the torpedoes. Ya’ gotta love a guy like that, a guy who doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
And oh yes, did I mention that he’s the best running back who has ever worn the burgundy and gold? John was the guy who, in the Redskins’ great 1982 post season run, said to Coach Gibbs: “Give me the football”. And give it, he did. Riggo posted 100+ yards in each of those playoff games, spawning the infamous Riggo Drill. Everyone on defense KNEW he was getting the ball, and that did not stop John. By the sheer force of his talent, willpower, determination, guts, and professionalism, he pounded it out, for the team, for the coach, for the fans (who can forget that midfield bow?), and yes, for the owner, Jack Kent Cooke who, despite all his failings (the most serious of which may have been building a stadium in Godforsakenville), was an owner who knew how to get out of the way and let Gibbs coach, and let Beathard get players for Gibbs to coach. Oh, Jesus, let us only return to those thrilling days of yesteryear. But I digress.
I still have hanging on my wall (as many of you do, I am sure) the poster of John Riggins leaving that hapless Dolphin cornerback Don McNeal in the dust, trying desperately to separate John from his jersey, hanging on for dear life, fruitlessly, as John broke his grasp and lumbered towards the end zone. John Riggins turned a simple off-tackle play “70 chip” into a Super Bowl trophy. It is the Redskins’ Greatest Moment. I love John Riggins.
Along with the rest of us, John Riggins has been an outspoken critic of Dan Snyder and his acolytes. This past week, Riggo really lit into Snyder, saying he was “evil incarnate” and had a “black heart”, among other things. Personally, I thought it was a stretch to suggest that Danny Boy was even in possession of a body organ resembling a heart, much less a black one, in view of Snyder’s heartless lawsuits against disabled and unemployed season ticket holders when he had a purported 50,000 people on the season ticket waiting list (what’s that list down to now, Danny Boy?). Those money-grubbing lawsuits will someday be looked back upon as the beginning of the end for Danny Boy.
So what happened when Riggo said that Danny Boy has a black heart? One of Snyder’s highly paid employees, namely Coach Greg Blache, spoke out in Snyder’s defense, naming several attempts by Danny Boy to prove he was not heartless. If you read down the list of things Coach Blache said of his employer, and put after each of them the phrase [so I could make more money], it might put things into perspective. Everything Snyder does is geared towards making more money. Everything. And he does a lot of dark, heartless things that, weirdly, make him less money. Ask Lavar Arrington. Ask Greg Williams. Ask Marty Schottenheimer. Ask Jason Campbell (after he leaves). Ask Brian Mitchell. Ask Jim Zorn (again, after he’s fired). And I might mention that Zorn also came to Snyder’s defense, although you could not have scripted a more lukewarm defense than Zorn voiced.
What did Riggo do in response to these overwhelming voices (that would be 2 voices) that defended Danny Boy? He got on the radio and said, characteristically, “I stick by what I said. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” Gotta love a guy like that.
But here’s the rub: Riggo also said on the radio that he has anecdotal evidence of Snyder’s black heart, but he wasn’t willing to reveal it. Let me make it clear that I believe 100% that John has such evidence. There is simply no doubt in my mind. Why? John Riggins is no Joe McCarthy, prone to wild accusations. For John not to have this evidence would be so out of character that it’s simply not believable.
So, to my hero John Riggins: ya’ gotta say what it is. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but the other side is throwing out all this goody-two-shoes stuff about Snyder, and it’s time to fire back. For the integrity of the accusation. For your own integrity and good name, because Danny Boy will release his goon squad to discredit you. For the future of the Redskins organization.
SOMEONE HAS TO SAY THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES, AND WHY.
I don’t just say “Snyder Has Ruined the Redskins”, I say why. I cite evidence. Sure, I’m sarcastic and cynical, but hey, that’s the advantage of writing an anonymous blog. Riggo has much more courage than I do – he does it in his own name; remember, he doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
So, John, come out of the closet with this evidence. The fans await. The world awaits. Danny Boy wants you to remain silent: 'Do not show the world who I really am, what I really do [to make more money].'
Riggo, do what ya’ gotta’ do to get permission from any other people in the story, and break it. It’s your own word at stake, since there are others out there who might not love you as much as I do. So, come out.
Please.
Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you why I love John Riggins. Anyone who’s read even one post from this blog knows why I hate Dan Snyder.
John Riggins is really smart. He cuts right to the heart of the matter, and speaks his mind. Unlike other commentators, he doesn’t do it to generate controversy, or attract listeners. He doesn’t really give a tinker’s damn about that. He says what he knows, and what he believes, and what his opinion is, damn the torpedoes. Ya’ gotta love a guy like that, a guy who doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
And oh yes, did I mention that he’s the best running back who has ever worn the burgundy and gold? John was the guy who, in the Redskins’ great 1982 post season run, said to Coach Gibbs: “Give me the football”. And give it, he did. Riggo posted 100+ yards in each of those playoff games, spawning the infamous Riggo Drill. Everyone on defense KNEW he was getting the ball, and that did not stop John. By the sheer force of his talent, willpower, determination, guts, and professionalism, he pounded it out, for the team, for the coach, for the fans (who can forget that midfield bow?), and yes, for the owner, Jack Kent Cooke who, despite all his failings (the most serious of which may have been building a stadium in Godforsakenville), was an owner who knew how to get out of the way and let Gibbs coach, and let Beathard get players for Gibbs to coach. Oh, Jesus, let us only return to those thrilling days of yesteryear. But I digress.
I still have hanging on my wall (as many of you do, I am sure) the poster of John Riggins leaving that hapless Dolphin cornerback Don McNeal in the dust, trying desperately to separate John from his jersey, hanging on for dear life, fruitlessly, as John broke his grasp and lumbered towards the end zone. John Riggins turned a simple off-tackle play “70 chip” into a Super Bowl trophy. It is the Redskins’ Greatest Moment. I love John Riggins.
Along with the rest of us, John Riggins has been an outspoken critic of Dan Snyder and his acolytes. This past week, Riggo really lit into Snyder, saying he was “evil incarnate” and had a “black heart”, among other things. Personally, I thought it was a stretch to suggest that Danny Boy was even in possession of a body organ resembling a heart, much less a black one, in view of Snyder’s heartless lawsuits against disabled and unemployed season ticket holders when he had a purported 50,000 people on the season ticket waiting list (what’s that list down to now, Danny Boy?). Those money-grubbing lawsuits will someday be looked back upon as the beginning of the end for Danny Boy.
So what happened when Riggo said that Danny Boy has a black heart? One of Snyder’s highly paid employees, namely Coach Greg Blache, spoke out in Snyder’s defense, naming several attempts by Danny Boy to prove he was not heartless. If you read down the list of things Coach Blache said of his employer, and put after each of them the phrase [so I could make more money], it might put things into perspective. Everything Snyder does is geared towards making more money. Everything. And he does a lot of dark, heartless things that, weirdly, make him less money. Ask Lavar Arrington. Ask Greg Williams. Ask Marty Schottenheimer. Ask Jason Campbell (after he leaves). Ask Brian Mitchell. Ask Jim Zorn (again, after he’s fired). And I might mention that Zorn also came to Snyder’s defense, although you could not have scripted a more lukewarm defense than Zorn voiced.
What did Riggo do in response to these overwhelming voices (that would be 2 voices) that defended Danny Boy? He got on the radio and said, characteristically, “I stick by what I said. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.” Gotta love a guy like that.
But here’s the rub: Riggo also said on the radio that he has anecdotal evidence of Snyder’s black heart, but he wasn’t willing to reveal it. Let me make it clear that I believe 100% that John has such evidence. There is simply no doubt in my mind. Why? John Riggins is no Joe McCarthy, prone to wild accusations. For John not to have this evidence would be so out of character that it’s simply not believable.
So, to my hero John Riggins: ya’ gotta say what it is. It’s not that I don’t believe you, but the other side is throwing out all this goody-two-shoes stuff about Snyder, and it’s time to fire back. For the integrity of the accusation. For your own integrity and good name, because Danny Boy will release his goon squad to discredit you. For the future of the Redskins organization.
SOMEONE HAS TO SAY THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES, AND WHY.
I don’t just say “Snyder Has Ruined the Redskins”, I say why. I cite evidence. Sure, I’m sarcastic and cynical, but hey, that’s the advantage of writing an anonymous blog. Riggo has much more courage than I do – he does it in his own name; remember, he doesn’t give a shit about what other people think.
So, John, come out of the closet with this evidence. The fans await. The world awaits. Danny Boy wants you to remain silent: 'Do not show the world who I really am, what I really do [to make more money].'
Riggo, do what ya’ gotta’ do to get permission from any other people in the story, and break it. It’s your own word at stake, since there are others out there who might not love you as much as I do. So, come out.
Please.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Snyder: Mea Culpa - NOT
OK, Danny Boy listened to Charlie Brotman (and everyone else having even a miniscule understanding of PR) and SPOKE TO THE PRESS! Glory, glory hallelujah! The millennium has arrived! Stop the presses! Dismiss those lawsuits! Take off the armbands! Give back the signs and T-shirts! Reignite those charcoal grilles! Tone down the bootjacks! Give Jason and Jim their testicles back! All is well! Danny Boy speaks!
Goodness, gracious, god almighty! What did he say? What has caused thousands of Redskins fans to take to the streets in an unprecedented demonstration of loyalty and support for the team, and yes, love for Danny Boy?
He said: KEEP ON SHOVELING YOUR MONEY MY WAY! I LOVE YOUR MONEY, I CARE ABOUT YOUR MONEY, PLEASE PLEASE KEEP SPENDING IT ON ME, I'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND IF THINGS KEEP GOING DOWNHILL, I'LL LOSE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
OK, maybe I exaggerate just a tad. But, that's everyone's interpretation of what he actually did say, which is, as quoted from today's Washington Post, as follows [editorial comments inserted for clarity]:
"I feel bad for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. I feel sorry for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. And we're very, very appreciative of our great, loyal fan base [who have made me millions of dollars]. And I'm understanding [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, we just feel terrible [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars], and we're embarrassed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. And we hope to get it [the fan-based money machine] going soon. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]."
"It hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, it really hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We are really trying very, very hard [not to lose millions of dollars]."
So, in the great Joe Gibbs tradition, Danny Boy then proceeded to take personal responsibility for the team's failure. After you get up off the floor from laughing, let me tell you what he actually did say (right after "We are really trying very, very hard."):
"Everyone at Redskins Park [but me] - the coaches, the players. The organization [that would be me] has held up really, quite frankly, held up well [since none of this, none, is my fault]."
It could not be more clear, to anyone with a first grade education or better, that Snyder thinks none of this is his fault. Snyder's thought process would be something like this:
>>It's the players' fault (especially Campbell who I tried mightily to replace, twice, in the off-season), it's Zorn's fault (who I stripped of play-calling, the only thing he really did), it's Vinny's fault (even though he's my hand-picked snychopant, one of my favoritists), it's Sherman's fault (nobody told me play-calling was any different from Bingo), it's the other Sherman's fault (he will soon be marching across Georgia), it's SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, DAMMIT. I'm brilliant, I'm smart, I'm rich, and I don't make mistakes. Even if I do (and I would only admit this to Nichole Kidman behind closed doors), I would never admit it publicly since I'm a macho-macho man (I used to be the Redskin Chief for the Village People just so I could wear that Indian headdress).<<
So, despite the fact that today is the first anniversary of perhaps the most significant change in American politics, nothing is going to change in the Redskins organization anytime soon because the owner (that would be Danny Boy) won't admit to himself (much less the fans who are making him millions of dollars) that his gross mismanagement and poor, bordering upon negligent judgment is what put the team in its current condition.
Sigh.
Goodness, gracious, god almighty! What did he say? What has caused thousands of Redskins fans to take to the streets in an unprecedented demonstration of loyalty and support for the team, and yes, love for Danny Boy?
He said: KEEP ON SHOVELING YOUR MONEY MY WAY! I LOVE YOUR MONEY, I CARE ABOUT YOUR MONEY, PLEASE PLEASE KEEP SPENDING IT ON ME, I'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND IF THINGS KEEP GOING DOWNHILL, I'LL LOSE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
OK, maybe I exaggerate just a tad. But, that's everyone's interpretation of what he actually did say, which is, as quoted from today's Washington Post, as follows [editorial comments inserted for clarity]:
"I feel bad for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. I feel sorry for the fans [who have made me millions of dollars]. And we're very, very appreciative of our great, loyal fan base [who have made me millions of dollars]. And I'm understanding [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, we just feel terrible [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars], and we're embarrassed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. And we hope to get it [the fan-based money machine] going soon. We're disappointed [that I'm losing millions of dollars]."
"It hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. I mean, it really hurts [that I'm losing millions of dollars]. We are really trying very, very hard [not to lose millions of dollars]."
So, in the great Joe Gibbs tradition, Danny Boy then proceeded to take personal responsibility for the team's failure. After you get up off the floor from laughing, let me tell you what he actually did say (right after "We are really trying very, very hard."):
"Everyone at Redskins Park [but me] - the coaches, the players. The organization [that would be me] has held up really, quite frankly, held up well [since none of this, none, is my fault]."
It could not be more clear, to anyone with a first grade education or better, that Snyder thinks none of this is his fault. Snyder's thought process would be something like this:
>>It's the players' fault (especially Campbell who I tried mightily to replace, twice, in the off-season), it's Zorn's fault (who I stripped of play-calling, the only thing he really did), it's Vinny's fault (even though he's my hand-picked snychopant, one of my favoritists), it's Sherman's fault (nobody told me play-calling was any different from Bingo), it's the other Sherman's fault (he will soon be marching across Georgia), it's SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, DAMMIT. I'm brilliant, I'm smart, I'm rich, and I don't make mistakes. Even if I do (and I would only admit this to Nichole Kidman behind closed doors), I would never admit it publicly since I'm a macho-macho man (I used to be the Redskin Chief for the Village People just so I could wear that Indian headdress).<<
So, despite the fact that today is the first anniversary of perhaps the most significant change in American politics, nothing is going to change in the Redskins organization anytime soon because the owner (that would be Danny Boy) won't admit to himself (much less the fans who are making him millions of dollars) that his gross mismanagement and poor, bordering upon negligent judgment is what put the team in its current condition.
Sigh.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Charlie Brotman Advice to Danny: Face the Music
I remember Charlie Brotman as the PR guy for the old Washington Senators. Charlie's been around for so long, there isn't anything he hasn't seen in sports in this town. In fact, Charlie arranged for me, as a starry-eyed kid, to interview Harmon Killebrew for my neighborhood newspaper, way back in the late 50s, just before Griffith absconded with my team to Minnesota. Killebrew was huge. I mean very big; his arms were the size of my waist. But, I digress.
Charlie has come on the air and given some rock solid advice to Danny Boy: Come out of the closet with a fresh set of clothes and TALK to the fans, explain your position, how you screwed up and need our help, how you're doing this, that and the other to make things better, and you're sorry that you sued disabled season ticket holders, and you're sorry you had your security goons confiscate fans' signs, and you're really really sorry that you ever hired or trusted My Cousin Vinny, but you've made a call to New Jersey and Vinny won't be a problem very much longer.
Ask for the fans' help, ask them to stay loyal, to continue to spend all fucking day driving to and from your stadium in Godforsakenville to watch a bunch of "just guys" give each other future brain injuries. Ask your fans, the ones who pay $100 per ticket, to be careful as they snake past the ghetto where the disloyal "Signage Fans" are fenced in (armbands and all), waiting for their next ration of charcoal grilles.
Tell the fans that in penance, you will shut down Fedex Field, and actually move to a fan friendly stadium like RFK.
Tell them that you promise to actually hire a person who knows something about football to run the operation, someone like Joe Don Looney. And if you can't find Looney, I'm sure George Allen, who is probably tired of politics, will be glad to try and fill his daddy's shoes, a la Dubya. I mean, if Joe Don won't do it, and Allen won't do it, how about Tom Cruise? I can hear it now; Hail to the Redkins has been replaced by "Just Take Those Old Players Off The Shelf....", and the official uniform will consist of white Jockey briefs.
Paint that rosy picture for the fans, Danny! You can do it! I believe you can! C'mon!
Oh, crap. It's Halloween, and Danny's fresh set of clothes was a costume. He was just pretending. We're fucked.
Charlie has come on the air and given some rock solid advice to Danny Boy: Come out of the closet with a fresh set of clothes and TALK to the fans, explain your position, how you screwed up and need our help, how you're doing this, that and the other to make things better, and you're sorry that you sued disabled season ticket holders, and you're sorry you had your security goons confiscate fans' signs, and you're really really sorry that you ever hired or trusted My Cousin Vinny, but you've made a call to New Jersey and Vinny won't be a problem very much longer.
Ask for the fans' help, ask them to stay loyal, to continue to spend all fucking day driving to and from your stadium in Godforsakenville to watch a bunch of "just guys" give each other future brain injuries. Ask your fans, the ones who pay $100 per ticket, to be careful as they snake past the ghetto where the disloyal "Signage Fans" are fenced in (armbands and all), waiting for their next ration of charcoal grilles.
Tell the fans that in penance, you will shut down Fedex Field, and actually move to a fan friendly stadium like RFK.
Tell them that you promise to actually hire a person who knows something about football to run the operation, someone like Joe Don Looney. And if you can't find Looney, I'm sure George Allen, who is probably tired of politics, will be glad to try and fill his daddy's shoes, a la Dubya. I mean, if Joe Don won't do it, and Allen won't do it, how about Tom Cruise? I can hear it now; Hail to the Redkins has been replaced by "Just Take Those Old Players Off The Shelf....", and the official uniform will consist of white Jockey briefs.
Paint that rosy picture for the fans, Danny! You can do it! I believe you can! C'mon!
Oh, crap. It's Halloween, and Danny's fresh set of clothes was a costume. He was just pretending. We're fucked.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Golden Rule, Danny Style
Snyder's Golden Rule: Them who has the gold, makes the rules. Everyone else's: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
The arrogance of an owner who will not talk to the press as his team spirals downward evermore to irrelevancy is stunning. It's breathtaking. One can only speculate as to why Megabucks Danny will not talk to the press. But hey, speculation is fun! So, let's have at it:
1. He hates the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
2. He loves the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
3. He doesn't give a shit about the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
[do you detect a pattern here?]
4. "Nobody's gonna tell ME how to run MY team into the ground. I can do it myself."
5. "Who the fuck cares about what the fans think? As long as they stupidly continue to spend their money just to get drunk and smoke, I'll take it."
6. "Hey, I really DO know what I'm doing. Leave me alone!"
7. "My man Vinny is the face of the franchise. HE provided Zorn with a playoff quality roster - let Vinny do the talking".
8. "If the press won't help me make money, the hell with them".
9. "Why does everyone hate me?"
10. "I've got the answer: I just gave Billy Kilmer a $100 million signing bonus to come out of retirement and be the franchise QB we all desperately want. Bye, Jason."
The anti-Redskin barrage continues unabated. This morning, it was Sally Jenkins, one of my top three faves, who was out-Wilboning Wilbon.
This is much more than a mere failure to communicate. This is the living embodiment of "The Emperor Has No Clothes", with the major exception being that EVERYONE is telling Snyder that he has screwed up the team, instead of no one telling the Emperor he has no clothes. For 8 years very few (Sally Jenkins being the notable exception) have had the courage to say: Danny Boy, you are stark naked!
Danny's retort: The Golden Rule. What do you suppose the Danny talks about when he gets home at night? It's like: "Screw them. I own the team, it's my call. I'm smart. I can do this. Leave me alone."
The arrogance, the disrepect, the contempt.
To be honest, this Danny-bashing is getting rather old. It's constant, it's correct, and no changes are apparent. So, it's ineffective.
But you know what? I feel better after unloading it all.
Thanks for listening.
8.
The arrogance of an owner who will not talk to the press as his team spirals downward evermore to irrelevancy is stunning. It's breathtaking. One can only speculate as to why Megabucks Danny will not talk to the press. But hey, speculation is fun! So, let's have at it:
1. He hates the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
2. He loves the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
3. He doesn't give a shit about the press and blames the Redskins' problems on them;
[do you detect a pattern here?]
4. "Nobody's gonna tell ME how to run MY team into the ground. I can do it myself."
5. "Who the fuck cares about what the fans think? As long as they stupidly continue to spend their money just to get drunk and smoke, I'll take it."
6. "Hey, I really DO know what I'm doing. Leave me alone!"
7. "My man Vinny is the face of the franchise. HE provided Zorn with a playoff quality roster - let Vinny do the talking".
8. "If the press won't help me make money, the hell with them".
9. "Why does everyone hate me?"
10. "I've got the answer: I just gave Billy Kilmer a $100 million signing bonus to come out of retirement and be the franchise QB we all desperately want. Bye, Jason."
The anti-Redskin barrage continues unabated. This morning, it was Sally Jenkins, one of my top three faves, who was out-Wilboning Wilbon.
This is much more than a mere failure to communicate. This is the living embodiment of "The Emperor Has No Clothes", with the major exception being that EVERYONE is telling Snyder that he has screwed up the team, instead of no one telling the Emperor he has no clothes. For 8 years very few (Sally Jenkins being the notable exception) have had the courage to say: Danny Boy, you are stark naked!
Danny's retort: The Golden Rule. What do you suppose the Danny talks about when he gets home at night? It's like: "Screw them. I own the team, it's my call. I'm smart. I can do this. Leave me alone."
The arrogance, the disrepect, the contempt.
To be honest, this Danny-bashing is getting rather old. It's constant, it's correct, and no changes are apparent. So, it's ineffective.
But you know what? I feel better after unloading it all.
Thanks for listening.
8.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Gestapo Has Arrived! Heil, Danny!
Can the news get any worse? Has Danny Boy ever heard of PR? Does anyone in Redskins' management "get it"? Obviously not.
In what can only be characterized as too stupid to believe, reports in the paper indicate that the Redskins' official "security guards" (aka the Gestapo) were confiscating signs brought into Fedex Field by fans at Monday night's game. One had the traditional "D-and-Fence" sign, another said "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" (which is actually a creative idea, much more so than those coming from upper management these days; at least, Ovechkin is a bona fide winner), another said "Bingo Night Football" which is actually clever and would have gotten a lot of air time during the game.
I mean really, is Snyder out of his f*cking mind? Censorship? This is the way fascist regimes take care of the opposition: shut down their voices, kill dissenters, squelch all criticism. I'm surprised the "security guards" didn't turn the hoses on the fans. Trust me, that's next. Keep the riff raff from telling it like it is. Who needs them, anyway? There are 50,000 people on the waiting list to buy season tickets, so let's just wash away the annoying minority. Paranoia reigns!
It can't be long until the Danny hires his Herr Goebbels to take care of propaganda. Here's one possible party line: the demise of the franchise is the fault of the media (no, sorry, they've already used that). How about: the demise of the franchise is the fault of a certain minority of rowdy fans, those who bring signs to games that criticize the Redskins! Critical signs are disloyal to the team, undemocratic, unAmerican, and disruptive of harmony and goodwill. YES, by jove, we've got ourselves a winner! Everything bad that's happened is the fault of fans bringing critical signs to the games! They must be punished! Make them wear armbands! Make them gather in a special parking lot to tailgate, a parking lot with a fence around it! No one enters or leaves the parking lot without passing through a security checkpoint! And a curfew is imposed. No weapons of any kind may be carried by the signmakers, and they must turn in their charcoal grilles after each tailgate party. We'll show them that such disunity will not be tolerated in the Land of Danny. (repeat signmakers will be dealt with harshly).
Given all this weird behavior, I'm a bit surprised the pregame show of Monday Night Football didn't have its plug pulled by the Gestapo, given the rough treatment of the Redskins by ALL of the announcers. No one, and I mean no one, gave any excuses for the sorry state of the Redskins franchise.
There is no excuse, except the one pointed out by Tracee Hamilton in her wonderful column in today's Post (she is rivaling Wilbon as my fave columnist...): the fault is Snyders, for thinking he knows football, and for being unwilling to give up control of the football operation to someone who does.
I can't resist one little p.s. to all this: did anyone see or read about Cerrato's press conference? It was really painfully pitiful. This is the face of the franchise? This is the spokesperson for the Washington Redskins? C'mon, almost anyone could do better than Vinny's heming and hawing at those softball questions, like: "Do you feel you gave Jim [Zorn] a roster that could get to the playoffs?" The answer (what's he supposed to say?): "Yes." Any amateur knucklehead like me knows that the offensive line was a disaster waiting to happen. And we did virtually nothing in the offseason to address that problem, with the exception of adding Dockery who has proven to be one of the last men standing (with Rabach).
Enough.
In what can only be characterized as too stupid to believe, reports in the paper indicate that the Redskins' official "security guards" (aka the Gestapo) were confiscating signs brought into Fedex Field by fans at Monday night's game. One had the traditional "D-and-Fence" sign, another said "LET OVECHKIN CALL THE PLAYS" (which is actually a creative idea, much more so than those coming from upper management these days; at least, Ovechkin is a bona fide winner), another said "Bingo Night Football" which is actually clever and would have gotten a lot of air time during the game.
I mean really, is Snyder out of his f*cking mind? Censorship? This is the way fascist regimes take care of the opposition: shut down their voices, kill dissenters, squelch all criticism. I'm surprised the "security guards" didn't turn the hoses on the fans. Trust me, that's next. Keep the riff raff from telling it like it is. Who needs them, anyway? There are 50,000 people on the waiting list to buy season tickets, so let's just wash away the annoying minority. Paranoia reigns!
It can't be long until the Danny hires his Herr Goebbels to take care of propaganda. Here's one possible party line: the demise of the franchise is the fault of the media (no, sorry, they've already used that). How about: the demise of the franchise is the fault of a certain minority of rowdy fans, those who bring signs to games that criticize the Redskins! Critical signs are disloyal to the team, undemocratic, unAmerican, and disruptive of harmony and goodwill. YES, by jove, we've got ourselves a winner! Everything bad that's happened is the fault of fans bringing critical signs to the games! They must be punished! Make them wear armbands! Make them gather in a special parking lot to tailgate, a parking lot with a fence around it! No one enters or leaves the parking lot without passing through a security checkpoint! And a curfew is imposed. No weapons of any kind may be carried by the signmakers, and they must turn in their charcoal grilles after each tailgate party. We'll show them that such disunity will not be tolerated in the Land of Danny. (repeat signmakers will be dealt with harshly).
Given all this weird behavior, I'm a bit surprised the pregame show of Monday Night Football didn't have its plug pulled by the Gestapo, given the rough treatment of the Redskins by ALL of the announcers. No one, and I mean no one, gave any excuses for the sorry state of the Redskins franchise.
There is no excuse, except the one pointed out by Tracee Hamilton in her wonderful column in today's Post (she is rivaling Wilbon as my fave columnist...): the fault is Snyders, for thinking he knows football, and for being unwilling to give up control of the football operation to someone who does.
I can't resist one little p.s. to all this: did anyone see or read about Cerrato's press conference? It was really painfully pitiful. This is the face of the franchise? This is the spokesperson for the Washington Redskins? C'mon, almost anyone could do better than Vinny's heming and hawing at those softball questions, like: "Do you feel you gave Jim [Zorn] a roster that could get to the playoffs?" The answer (what's he supposed to say?): "Yes." Any amateur knucklehead like me knows that the offensive line was a disaster waiting to happen. And we did virtually nothing in the offseason to address that problem, with the exception of adding Dockery who has proven to be one of the last men standing (with Rabach).
Enough.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Cerrato Seals the Deal
Those of you who think Vinny's vote of confidence in Zorn's head coaching status means anything, think again. What was the Danny supposed to do? The team was in chaos, the laughingstock of the NFL. They had to do something to try and calm things down, so they give Zorn a vote of confidence, that he'll be the head coach until at least the end of this season, and "hopefully" thereafter (Vinny's words). Of course, this is the same week they emasculated (i.e., cut the balls off) the guy, telling him he had been stripped of the only thing he likes to do: play calling. It's like telling Obama: "you can be president, but you can't make any speeches", or telling Michael Phelps that he can compete in the Olympics, but he can't swim. The Redskins are one continuous cartoon.
It's amazing to me that anyone still goes to the games. Who wants to spend a whole day fighting beltway traffic to get to a stadium built in Godforsakenville, just to be among a bunch of drunks and smokers while watching the most pitiful franchise ever to put on the uniform? (and this fan goes all the way back to Eddie LeBaron, Don Bossler, and Joe Rutgens...). And then fight to get out of the parking lot? It's a pity that we can't pin this one on Danny Boy, but the idea to build the new stadium 15 years ago in Godforsakenville belonged to the previous owner, Jack Kent Cooke, who somehow didn't get it that the WASHINGTON Redskins needed to be in WASHINGTON. Abe Pollin did the absolute right thing, putting Verizon Center smack dab in the middle of town, easily accessible from just about anywhere on Metro. He revitalized the entire Penn Quarter. The Squire had blinders on, and went out to Yukka Flats (a/k/a Godforsakenville) which requires a full day committment to see a shitty team lose. You can see the same shitty team from the comfort of your own home! And, you can multi-task while you do it! Surf the net, read the NYT, pay bills, have sex...whatever! You won't miss a thing. I've taken to taping the games, which reduces the pain from 3 hours to a manageable 2 hours, cutting out the commercials. The only negative thing about only having 2 hours to watch the game is that I have only 2 hours to multi-task. And my finger is constantly on the fast forward button.
To get back to the point, I predict that after the Redskins get their collective assess handed to them by the Eagles Monday night (74-0?), Zorn will finally be fired, some assistant will take over as "interim", Joe Gibbs will be brought in to find and recruit a GM and will hire his son to do the job. Or Danny's son. Or Vinny's son. Or whoever's son is out of a job and needs a million or so thrown his way. Hey, Danny! My son could use a million bucks, and his qualifications for the job are superb: he knows absolutely nothing about evaluating professional football talent! In other words, he fits right in!
Whaddaya say, Danny Boy? I'll be your best friend....
It's amazing to me that anyone still goes to the games. Who wants to spend a whole day fighting beltway traffic to get to a stadium built in Godforsakenville, just to be among a bunch of drunks and smokers while watching the most pitiful franchise ever to put on the uniform? (and this fan goes all the way back to Eddie LeBaron, Don Bossler, and Joe Rutgens...). And then fight to get out of the parking lot? It's a pity that we can't pin this one on Danny Boy, but the idea to build the new stadium 15 years ago in Godforsakenville belonged to the previous owner, Jack Kent Cooke, who somehow didn't get it that the WASHINGTON Redskins needed to be in WASHINGTON. Abe Pollin did the absolute right thing, putting Verizon Center smack dab in the middle of town, easily accessible from just about anywhere on Metro. He revitalized the entire Penn Quarter. The Squire had blinders on, and went out to Yukka Flats (a/k/a Godforsakenville) which requires a full day committment to see a shitty team lose. You can see the same shitty team from the comfort of your own home! And, you can multi-task while you do it! Surf the net, read the NYT, pay bills, have sex...whatever! You won't miss a thing. I've taken to taping the games, which reduces the pain from 3 hours to a manageable 2 hours, cutting out the commercials. The only negative thing about only having 2 hours to watch the game is that I have only 2 hours to multi-task. And my finger is constantly on the fast forward button.
To get back to the point, I predict that after the Redskins get their collective assess handed to them by the Eagles Monday night (74-0?), Zorn will finally be fired, some assistant will take over as "interim", Joe Gibbs will be brought in to find and recruit a GM and will hire his son to do the job. Or Danny's son. Or Vinny's son. Or whoever's son is out of a job and needs a million or so thrown his way. Hey, Danny! My son could use a million bucks, and his qualifications for the job are superb: he knows absolutely nothing about evaluating professional football talent! In other words, he fits right in!
Whaddaya say, Danny Boy? I'll be your best friend....
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Welcome - this is a blog devoted to how Dan Snyder has single handedly ruined one of the most storied NFL franchises: The Washington Redskins
Let me start. One can say that it isn't the owner's fault, it's the players'. After all, the owner isn't on the field taking snaps, or running pass routes, or blitzing. But, I suggest that there's a direct connection between a player's desire to win, and thus the effort he puts out on the field, and the owner's business attitude. In our case, we have a snot-nosed, super-rich wunderkind, in the form of Dan Snyder, known for his business acumen - more accurately called ruthlessness. This guy would sue his own mother if she were behind on season tickets payments (I have no doubt that Snyder charges his mother full price). It was the story in the Post several weeks ago about Snyder suing Redskins' fans that really got to me. These people, some of whom were lifelong Redskins fans, had lost their jobs, were on disability, were on the verge of losing their homes, were mentally incapacitated - yet Snyder, in his infinite idiocy, saw fit to bring suit against them, and prosecute it to a judgment WHEN HE PURPORTEDLY HAS 50,000 FANS ON THE SEASON TICKET WAITING LIST!!!! Now, does that make any sense? Sure, he has the legal right to sue them, but so what? Does he NEED the money? Can he RESELL those tickets easily and quickly to the next fan on the list? Does he even stop to think about the public relations debacle that would ensue if this practice became known to the public? The guy is a ruthless, heartless asshole. And here's the important part: if you were a Redskins player, making a tidy six or seven figures a game, how much would you leave on the field for an owner who is an obvious ruthless, heartless asshole? How much extra effort would you put out, knowing that the guy who owns you and your team, who has 50,000 people on his season ticket waiting list, actually sues fans (who ultimately pay your salary) who are unable to keep their committments due to a major downturn in the economy? The answer is: none. It's not even a conscious decision; it's just a feeling they have deep down inside. And it's exactly that type of extra effort that can make the difference between a good team and bad one. There's always an external motivator. And in our case, we have an external DE-motivator. If we had a beloved owner, who was kind, generous, caring, giving, etc., I believe that the team would win many more games, because they WOULD leave it out on the field for such a man. But, we have the antithesis of that. Who cares about the owner? No one. And this is simply karma: who will care about the team? Eventually, no one. And, eventually, the fans will stop buying tickets, and POOF, it will be all gone, Danny Boy. Because that is the only language you will understand.
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