I remember Charlie Brotman as the PR guy for the old Washington Senators. Charlie's been around for so long, there isn't anything he hasn't seen in sports in this town. In fact, Charlie arranged for me, as a starry-eyed kid, to interview Harmon Killebrew for my neighborhood newspaper, way back in the late 50s, just before Griffith absconded with my team to Minnesota. Killebrew was huge. I mean very big; his arms were the size of my waist. But, I digress.
Charlie has come on the air and given some rock solid advice to Danny Boy: Come out of the closet with a fresh set of clothes and TALK to the fans, explain your position, how you screwed up and need our help, how you're doing this, that and the other to make things better, and you're sorry that you sued disabled season ticket holders, and you're sorry you had your security goons confiscate fans' signs, and you're really really sorry that you ever hired or trusted My Cousin Vinny, but you've made a call to New Jersey and Vinny won't be a problem very much longer.
Ask for the fans' help, ask them to stay loyal, to continue to spend all fucking day driving to and from your stadium in Godforsakenville to watch a bunch of "just guys" give each other future brain injuries. Ask your fans, the ones who pay $100 per ticket, to be careful as they snake past the ghetto where the disloyal "Signage Fans" are fenced in (armbands and all), waiting for their next ration of charcoal grilles.
Tell the fans that in penance, you will shut down Fedex Field, and actually move to a fan friendly stadium like RFK.
Tell them that you promise to actually hire a person who knows something about football to run the operation, someone like Joe Don Looney. And if you can't find Looney, I'm sure George Allen, who is probably tired of politics, will be glad to try and fill his daddy's shoes, a la Dubya. I mean, if Joe Don won't do it, and Allen won't do it, how about Tom Cruise? I can hear it now; Hail to the Redkins has been replaced by "Just Take Those Old Players Off The Shelf....", and the official uniform will consist of white Jockey briefs.
Paint that rosy picture for the fans, Danny! You can do it! I believe you can! C'mon!
Oh, crap. It's Halloween, and Danny's fresh set of clothes was a costume. He was just pretending. We're fucked.
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Here here!
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